A Great Fall

We have had a great fall!  It has really been wonderful.  Here is the scoop:

Back in September we attended a wedding of a beautiful young woman from our church, who also happens to be my 3rd cousin (or something along those lines).  I love weddings.  I mean, I really love weddings.  Yes, I enjoy the reception (more on that in a minute), but I really, really love weddings.  If I am invited to a wedding there is no skipping the ceremony for me!  To me, that is what the whole thing is about.  Two people who love each other so much, committing themselves to each other.  Beautiful and wonderful.  I love weddings........and receptions.  I may get a little tipsy, I may dance like a fool, but they are so much fun.  Really, I just love to go dancing (and trust me, I pretend no one is watching because I am not a good dancer and would be very self conscious if I thought about it, that is where the adult beverages help. :)  )

Then we had a busy weekend of homecomings, both my school and Chuck's.  Lots of good football.  The next weekend it was off to Art Prize, a tradition our whole family is really enjoying.  It is so great to see so many people in Grand Rapids enjoying art of all different kinds.  I think that the arts are so very important to stimulate creativity, and with so many cuts in schools and an increased demand for core curriculum, kids aren't given opportunities to explore and imagine.  It is something that Chuck and I are passionate about for our kids.  We are very luck to be able to expose them to Art Prize and different forms of art.

Then we were home for a weekend, which was good because it was ridiculously rainy.  We went to a yummy chili cook off at church, did a little shopping at a craft fair, and got a lot of things done around the house because......we were camping the next weekend.  I love that tradition.  We had gorgeous weather at Sleeping Bear Dunes.  It is really nice to get away with the family and have quality fam time!  The kids enjoyed climbing the dunes and playing in the campground.  We had fires and watched the sunset on Lake Michigan.  We slept in and relaxed.  None of us were in a hurry to get home.

And this past weekend we were in Chicago to meet the newest addition to the family.  My nephew is so cute and snuggly and I wish I was there right now to hold him.  He is perfect and I am so glad we had a chance to go visit.  Calah and Chuck and I totally fought over holding him, and even though Gabe didn't want to hold him, he did concede that he liked James "better than the Lego store".  We'll take it.

Of course, that is just the weekends.  The weeks have been full of basketball practice and games (tonight is the last one, yay!), soccer games, swim meets, dance classes, LMRC meetings, homework, school, doctor's appointments, meetings, and running around like crazy.  Oh, and did I mention Gabe had surgery?  Yup, needed to remove the tube from his ear and repair the ear drum.  Apparently if tubes are in too long and don't come out on their own, it is common to get an infection (which he did) and then they have to be surgically removed.  It is unnerving to watch your five year old go off to surgery, but considering it is relatively minor and I know that I am so blessed, I won't complain.

The next weeks are not any better, busy wise anyway.  This weekend I am scrapbooking (yippee!) and next week are PT conferences for me (Chuck had his, Gabe has his this week, and Calah's are the week after mine), and an EE weekend.  Then Chuck has his LMRC Swap Meet and then it is Thanksgiving.  And we get to see the baby again!  And, as we all know, Christmas follows and the craziness ensues for that.  I can say that even though basketball and soccer are over and we will have dance and swimming lessons, Chuck and I have designated a family night for this winter and I am really looking forward to one night a week without running.  A night for a good dinner (as opposed to me slapping something together when I get home and we eat quickly before we are out the door again), some games and good quality family time.  It will be nice to slow down a little.

Fears of History Repeating Itself

This past summer, Calah's school ran a basketball camp for her age group.  I asked her if she wanted to play, and without hesitation and with complete enthusiasm, she yelled "Yes!"

And then I cried.

I won't lie.  I have been dreading this day.  D..R..E..A..D..I..N..G..  I really was hoping she wouldn't want to play.  I was hoping she would just want to dance and swim and all the things that keep her little.  I have been trying really hard not to let her see how I feel, because I know that these feelings are remnants of my past.

I played basketball.  I loved basketball.  It was all I lived and breathed from the 4th through the 9th grade.  I loved playing and I wanted to be good.  I probably didn't practice enough, and I didn't have any real talent, but I loved it.  My dad tried to help me every way he could.  He would encourage me to practice, take me to games, and be my biggest supporter.  But in the end, I was cut from the JV team at school and my dreams were crushed.

Granted, I went on to swim and found that I loved it and had some talent at that, but the truth is, when I was cut from the basketball team, my world sort of changed.  Even though I probably never really fit in with the girls from the basketball team, I had a reason to hang out with them.  They were the popular girls and I liked that.  I wasn't popular, but I was on the edge of the crowd.  And some of these girls I had played with since the 4th grade.  When I was cut, I realized that they were also the mean girls.  All of a sudden it was like I had never existed.  The hurt I felt was unbelievable.  I couldn't believe that these girls I had spent so much time with, practiced with, gone to camp with, couldn't even express any sadness that I wasn't going to play ball with them anymore.  My world had been turned upside down, and it seemed like nobody cared.  I felt like I had lost many of my "friends".  I realize now that they were never my friends, but at the time all I felt was abandonment.  And that is when my animosity toward the game started.  I realized it was the game of the mean girls.

I would do ANYTHING to stop my daughter from feeling that pain.

I know it is only 3rd and 4th grade basketball.  I know that virtually every girl in her class is playing so it is not a case of have/have nots.  I know that she is having fun, and and it's good for her to learn how to play the game.  However, knowing that I didn't have much talent, I wasn't holding out hope for her, and I didn't want Calah to feel the same pain I did.  I just hoped she would lose interest in basketball before basketball lost interest in her.

Then we had to go to a game.  I won't lie, I was totally dreading it.  To my surprise and delight, Calah did pretty well, and the next game she did better, and this last game she was awesome!  I mean really good.  Even though she is one of the shortest on the team, she had a ton of rebounds.  She shot, didn't make any, but sure gave it a good try.  And many times she came out of a group of girls with the ball and took it down the court.  She was aggressive, which is shocking after our experience with soccer.  I was totally impressed.  She is WAY better than I was at that age.  And my competitive side raised it's ugly head.  I totally became a crazy cheering mom, loud and obnoxious, even though I promised myself I would behave.

Maybe she will be a star and play through high school. Maybe she'll be bored with it next year and never pick up a ball again (but that would greatly disappoint her father who put the backboard and rim up on our garage the other day).  But either way, I will support her, and love her, and do my best to protect her from any mean girls.

Back to the Grind

It has been a long and pleasant summer.  Long and pleasant.  Pleasant.  I want it back.

With September comes the beginning of the school year and the beginning of craziness for us.  Two weeks ago, Chuck started with meetings, last week Chuck started with students, Calah started school, and I started with meetings, and this week I started with students and Gabe started school.  Plus, dance, basketball, and soccer are all starting.  Some days I'm not sure which end is up!

We are doing the four different school schedules again this year.  Last Gabe did two different preschools to address his social development and speech delays.  This year we have opted to not send him to kindergarten, but to put him in kinderstart (a young 5's program) at the local public school.  It is full day, 5 days a week.  He still has some speech problems, though he is much better.  And he needs a little more social development.  Plus he did just turn 5 in June.  If it sounds like I am trying to justify our decision, I probably am.  I know he is 5 and academically ready for kindergarten, but I really think he needs another year to develop socially and I would like him to be as close to done with speech as he can be.  Kids with CAS (Childhood Apraxia of Speech) tend to have higher rates of dyslexia, and if I can get him hearing and speaking the letters correctly before learning to read, he will be much better off.  I have never been one to really push my children into growing up (they are little for far too short of a time), so I am enjoying the idea of not having a kindergartener quite yet.  But I have a lot of friends who have children Gabe's age.  Although it shouldn't be a concern, I keep wondering what they will say and how Gabe's friends will react to him being a year below them.  I know Gabe will make new friends, he is very social, but I do worry about people thinking there is something wrong with him.  There isn't.  We are simply giving him another year. (And don't even THINK about saying we are holding him back.  That has such a negative connotation.  We are GIVING him another year, it's a gift.  Yes, in this case the semantics matter.) 

I love his teacher.  She is amazing and we are so lucky that he gets to be in her class.  He seems to be adjusting ok, but he is exhausted at night.  Tonight he was asleep by 7:30.  Maybe he'll actually sleep in this weekend......

Calah is doing wonderfully as a third grader.  This year they are learning all about Michigan, which she loves.  And there is a new girl in her class, so that is exciting.  She is playing basketball and dancing, so we have another pretty tired child as she gets used to her schedule.  Right now her biggest challenge is responsibility.  Tonight she told me that I didn't sign her agenda yesterday.  And I told her that she didn't tell me I needed to.  (If I would have known I was supposed to, I would have hinted to remind her to ask me.)  But over all, she is doing well.

Chuck is super busy.  He has 6 teaching class periods, but 7 preps and a student teacher.  He'll be ok, but WOW!

And this year my adjustment is taking a bit.  Way more students than I have ever had in the past, more class periods to teach than in the past, and at the end of day 3, I'm exhausted.  I am still trying to get to the pool on a regular basis.  I had a really nice experience shopping recently for new clothes, so that is keeping me motivated.

One more day this week, I can do it.  And since we are back in a routine, I will get back to a routine of posting.  :)

The Beginning of Summer

I love the beginning of summer.  I have been very luck the last couple of years that I have been  out of school before Calah and Chuck.  There is the obvious benefit to that (he has to get up early and I get to sleep a little later) but also, I get to attend all the end of school activities for Calah.  I was able to go to her end of school singing and dancing celebration, fun day, and the final school Mass of the year.  After Mass, Calah was awarded with the Outstanding Reader award for her class.  They may be an understatement.  This kid reads constantly.  It was very appropriate.

And I got to spend time with my boy.  His birthday fell right in the middle of last week, so we played all the games he wanted and went to lunch with Daddy.  It was a great day.  Now he is 5 and is happy to tell you all about his new bike!  I hope that he will catch on a little quicker than Calah, and I think it will help that his bike is an appropriate size.

And there was the dance recital.  I am so very proud of my children.  Gabe has worked very hard this year.  I know that it isn't easy to be the only little boy in class, or for that matter, in the studio, but he did it.  And all the little girls loved him.  He got dress as a T-bird from Grease for "We Go Together" and he did very well during his ballet number, "I Believe I Can Fly"

And Calah, well she is becoming quite a dancer.  She has practiced and practiced for this recital.  Although we may be at odds sometimes over what some of the steps are, but I think that she did everything wonderfully.  And being the over exuberant dance mom, Chuck and I had seats in the front row.   It was handy to be able to get in and out, because I had to change make up for some of the girls in between acts.

( I can't get Calah's videos to upload, I'll try again later)

Our dance studio is wonderful.  Miss Caety outdoes herself every year.  And I can't believe how much the studio has grown. Four years ago when she opened, the recital was about 12 acts.  This year...27.  She really cares about all of her dancers and makes sure that the girls and dances are age appropriate and modest.

                                               Miss Caety, Miss Jennica, and Miss Ashley

Then it was back home for a family get together for Gabe's birthday.  And an awesome cake.

Sunday was our parish festival and a BBQ at the neighbors.  Monday was haircuts (thank goodness!  I couldn't take Gabe's long hair anymore!), playdates, and work at school.  The kids have a gymnastics camp Monday through Thursday so that keeps us busy at night.  I have been swimming every day, Calah's has had two playdates, we have been to the library, and I have been doing laundry and cleaning.  Last night we went out for ice cream and tonight we are going to see a movie in the park.  So that is how summer has started.  We really aren't any less busy, but now we are busy having fun!

End of the School Year

There are times of the year that "busy" doesn't begin to describe what happens at our house.  May is one of those times.  April was pretty calm.  I may not have posted much, but compared to May, it was easy. 

We started the month with Calah's First Communion.  I am so proud of her!  As much as I would like her to stay a little girl, I know that she is growing up.  I have faith that she will grow and mature into a wonderful young woman!

After that, the big prep for Auction started.  I spent many nights down at the hall preparing for this huge event.  We had a record number of people who purchased tickets, and we raised a bunch of money for the kid's school.  And at this point I would like to get something off my chest.  There was a comment made wondering what my partner and I do, since it looks like we are doing nothing.  Well, for anyone who attends a charitable event or an auction, the check in/computer people do a lot.  We network the computers (huge job for nontechies),  input every item that has been donated or purchased, assemble them into silent or live basket items, enter every person who purchases a ticket and assign them a bidder number, print off bid sheets, certificates, table numbers, reserved signs, register credit cards, sync the card machine to the computer to read bidder numbers, enter winning bids, and check people in and out, giving them bidder numbers and taking their payments.  Then we come home and do about 5 more hours of work syncing winning bids to card numbers, sending payments to the bank, contacting card companies for approval of cards, contact invitees whose cards were declined (by far the worst part), clear the terminals before sending them back, printing results sheets, and printing donor sheets for thank yous.  This year, we don't have to do thank you letters and find addresses that are missing because the school generously offered to do that.  In the past that was yet another step.  So, the next time it looks like those computer people aren't doing anything, keep in mind first that they are volunteers and second, that just because they may not have a flashy job that everyone notices, doesn't mean they don't do anything. 

Ok, done with that.  Sorry, I know it was a week ago, but it still burns me that someone would insinuate that we weren't doing anything.  That said, here is our wonderful tech team:

Then, even though I wasn't done with Auction stuff, it was time for NHS induction.  This was a big event this year, with a new principal who has never attended an NHS induction, and outgoing superintendent who has attended every NHS induction in his career, a new incoming superintendent, and board members who's child was being inducted.  Plus, I had an amazing executive board this year and a huge group of inductees.  Over all it was good, minus a few blips.  It started with a member knocking over the flowers and spilling water everywhere.  Then the eternal light of knowledge went out in the middle of the ceremony, and finally an inductee set her hair on fire.  Just a little, it was more smoke than anything, but eventful nonetheless. 

Calah and I went on a little girl's getaway to Interlochen and watched a dance performance.  We stayed in a little motel and had some quality girl time.  I love spending time with her and  it was really nice to get away and relax a little.  Some shopping in TC didn't hurt either!  :)

Then onto graduation.  I really am going to miss this group of seniors.  I know I get a slightly skewed view of the class because I deal only with the ones that are NHS members or take Advanced Biology, but overall, I think they were a good group.  I am proud of the mature young adults they have become and I wish the class of 2012 the best.

So now, seniors are done, auction stuff is almost done, Calah's First Communion was a success, NHS is done for the year, and we are getting ready to finish up the year.  Couple more major things to get accomplished:  Gabe's birthday party, dance recital (five acts and makeup planning for the whole thing), and vacation planning.  Oh, and I should probably get some summer plans for the kids (summer camps, review programs, etc.) Ohhhh...busy, busy, busy!

Be prepared..It's a long one!

In the last couple of weeks I have given a lot of thought to the past year.  Emotionally speaking, where I was then and where I am now are completely different.  In my opinion, I have come a long way.  Anyone who had any contact with me last year at this time knows that I was a %*#@^.  With a capital %!  I was unhappy at work and that transferred into the rest of my life.  By the time school got out, I wasn't sure I could go on.  I knew that something had to change.  So things did.  It was a slow process, but I am beginning to see the benefits both professionally and personally.

Last summer started with a grad class that I needed to take for continuing education.  It can be anything related to teaching, and since I already have my master’s degree, I wasn’t looking for anything that was part of a planned program.  Anyway, the class I took was “Tools for Professional Resilience”.  This class was introduced to me by a dear friend and colleague who obviously noticed how quickly I had spiraled downward.  She and I, along with Chuck, took this class.  I joked that it should be about wine and massages, and I wasn’t entirely kidding.  I needed a break in a big way. We got through the class, and although I wasn’t overly receptive to the ideas presented, there were a few things that stuck.  The most important being that if I don’t want to live like I had been (all stressed out), then I need to do something about it.

So I spent the summer doing almost nothing.  It really took me all summer to get myself to a place where I could even think about school again.  I still wasn’t very pleasant to the people I was around.  I was struggling not only with issues at work, but also with fertility issues.  I have wanted to have a third, and even a fourth child for a long time.  Even though it was easy to get pregnant for Calah and Gabe, this time it has been very hard.  So every month, hopes were raised, and hopes were dashed.  This, in addition to the stress at work, was taking its toll.  And I’ve heard it all…once you stop being stressed you’ll get pregnant, one you stop trying, you’ll get pregnant, once you see the doctor, you’ll get pregnant, once you take the clomid, you’ll get pregnant, once you see the fertility doctor, you’ll get pregnant.  Guess what….I’m not pregnant.  This has been a tough journey.  I have had to accept what God’s plan is for our family.  My guiding principle through this has been that I need to appreciate what I have.  God has given me two beautiful, wonderful, and talented children.  I want to take advantage and remember every experience with them.  I can’t take anything with them for granted.  I am not saying this for anyone to feel sorry for me.  This is just to tell how far I have come.  The pain that I was enduring last year at this time has been replaced with acceptance and appreciation for what I have.  We have many great adventures ahead of us as a family and I am ready to take them on.

At school, I started the year with a new attitude.  At first I just said it in hopes that I would actually believe it.  “Fake it ‘till you make it”  And that’s what I did.  I was gearing up for what I had been told was the worst class ever.  I was gearing up for whatever the state and the administration were going to throw at us this year.  And all of that happened, and more.  But, I like to think that I have dealt with it better than I would have last year.  I have let a lot more roll off my back.  I have accepted that I cannot change the politics of education, the demands of administration, or the apathy of students.  I can, however, create innovative plans and a caring environment for my students.  I can teach students who want to learn.  In fact, I can even motivate students who want to learn, but don’t really know it.  And I do really like my classes this year.  I have great students and I enjoy being with them every day.  That is a huge difference.  I had great students last year, too, but I didn’t appreciate them when I had the chance.  I had let the world outside my classroom affect the way I was inside my classroom.  This year I didn’t.

And I have become more social.  Knowing that I was such a %*#@^, I didn’t think I should infect anyone else with my negativity.  But since I have started feeling better about everything, I have ventured out into the teacher’s lounge for lunch.  And I really enjoy it.  I like being social.  And I feel like I have been more social in my personal life, too.  I miss hanging out with my friends, so it is nice to be back in the swing of things.

I think that a lot of this change has come from getting back in the pool.  I like being active and it has been very therapeutic.  Not only do I get exercise, but also I can work out my stress on the water and not my loved ones.  And the endorphins help.  As well as the weight loss.  I am not one to get on a scale, I am too scared, but I have lost two pant sizes.  Having goals helps.  Swimming in a meet helps.  I plan to do more of that in the fall, with actual time goals and everything.  It’s nice to put myself on my list of important things.  Chuck, the kids, my family, and school will always be there, but I am happy to take fifth place.  At least I am ahead of housework, Facebook, and bills!  Swimming gives me time to put everything in perspective.  Sure, I may not have an ideal work situation, and there is crap that happens every day, but life isn’t horrible.  My family is wonderful and I love them.  They are what life is all about.

I hope that I am not the only one who thinks I have changed for the better.  I think Chuck has noticed at least.  He truly is a saint for putting up with me.  I wasn’t pleasant, and there are times now that I still am not pleasant, but it’s better.  Life is short and we need to appreciate what we have.  That is the motto I am living by at the moment.

Irritation

The goal of this blog has never been political. However, after watching all the talking heads this morning, I can't help but weigh in a little bit.  People are up in arms about this CNN commentator talking about how Ann Romney never worked and then bending over backwards not to offend stay at home moms.  I must have heard 5 or 6 people say this that stay at home moms know the price of gas, milk, and eggs better than their husbands.  Ok, fine....but I'm going to guess that working moms also know the price of gas, milk, and eggs better than their husbands.  My thought is "Really, the self esteem of stay at home moms is so fragile that we have to throw working moms under the bus?"  There is absolute value and honor is staying home to raise your children.  I think that the women who have that opportunity are aware of the hard work it takes and the toll it takes on them.  That being said, will someone please recognize that being a working mom is not easy either?  It's not as if we drop our children off and don't think of them all day.  I think about my children all day long.  If they are sick or hurt, I have to make arrangements to go get them.  When my child care is unavailable, I have to make other arrangements.  My sick days are not used for me, they are used for my children, so if I am sick, I still go to work.  I still have to get the same amount of laundry, cleaning, and work done for my children.  Can this argument about who has a harder time just be put to bed?  Raising children is a challenge, no matter how you do it.  This is a tired argument, and I am sick of being made to feel like the bad guy because I go to work.  And to have it thrown into a political arena?  Great, Ann Romney stayed home with her five boys.  And she probably had a housekeeper and a nanny to help her.  I don't think that her experience is quite the same as the working class family with three kids whose husband earns just enough to pay the bills and put food on the table.  Ann Romney may sit on charity boards and lunch with the ladies at the country club, but I'll bet she wasn't the mom racing in to help with the Valentine's Day party late because the baby threw up on her on the way out the door, or the mom who has to fight with the insurance company to make sure her special needs child has the medical attention they need while keeping the kids from drawing on the walls.  If Mitt Romney is going to try to run for president, he and his wife need to do a better job of connecting with the middle class, and not use being a stay at home mom as that tool.

Catch Up

I have a little time, so let's catch up on all the going ons of the Holmans.......

To start with, my anniversary was a couple of weeks ago.  The anniversary of my 29th birthday, that is.  We won't discuss which one.  It's not that I'm horribly vain about my age, my kids know how old I am and announce it to everyone, but I still like the sound of 29.  Keeps me young!  :)  Anyway, for my birthday all I really wanted was to go to Chicago for the weekend.  We caught the train on Saturday morning and met my brother and sister-in-law at the train station.  And the weekend was so much fun!  I love Chicago style pizza, so lunch at Gina's East was a real treat.  I wasn't sure that the kids would like it, but they ate it up, too. 

Then we were off to the Lego and American Girl store.  Calah was so excited.  She has been saving for almost a year for the American Girl wheelchair.  I wouldn't buy it for her, and I know that it means so much more because she saved for it herself.  I did buy her a dress for Molly.  I'm not opposed to American Girl things, but I am very specific about what I am willing to spend money on.  If it is historical doll specific or if it is an outfit that is unique and something Calah does (like dance or basketball) then I am willing to buy it.  If it is just playclothes or a random dress or some accessory that doesn't relate to Calah, then no.  If she wants it that bad, she can save for it and spend her money on what she wants.  And usually we decide before we get there what we are going to get.  This time, her decision on what I would buy for her took a little longer, but she walked right to the wheelchair as soon as we walked in.  That girl knows what she wants.

It just so happens that the Lego store as moved so it is LITERALLY right next door to American Girl.  Handy, one stop shopping!  The boys headed over there and Gabe came away with a Lego Garbage truck.  He and Uncle Josh had fun putting that together.  Then we had to make a stop at Hersheys.  MMMMM, chocolate.......ok, sorry, easily distracted by the chocolate.  We headed back to the hotel and Josh and Can took the kids for the evening.  Chuck and I had a nice dinner at a little old Italian place.  The pumpkin ravioli was awesome!  Although I was glad it was a little smaller portion, because I was still full from lunch.  Then it was just a nice relaxing evening.  The next morning, Chuck and I walked around a little.  Once the kids came down, the six of us went over to Millinium Park and over to the lake shore.  A little more shopping and we were off to the train station.  It was a great weekend!  We did have our hands full trying to get off the train.  Two sleeping kids, 4 suitcases, 5 bags...a challenge, but we did it.  Calah is such a big girl.  She woke up enough to carry her stuff off the train.  I had told her, whatever she packed she had to carry on and off the train and around Chicago.  And she did, without complaint.  What a big girl!

The next big event was our trip to North Carolina.  We left Sunday afternoon around 3 and drove all night.  The kids were happy to be tucked into their sleeping bag for the night.  I took the end part of Ohio, which is flat and boring, but it was late and I didn't mind.  I really didn't want to drive in the mountains at night, and Chuck was ok with that.  He actually said he would rather drive the mountains at night because he can't see what he should be nervous about!  :)  We stopped for a couple hours to sleep, but overall, it was really nice to travel at night with very little traffic.  So on Monday morning about 9:30 we arrived and hung out with Granny all day.  The kids were so excited to see her.  They haven't seen Granny since Memorial Day.  After checking into the hotel and a quick swim in the pool, we were back for a yummy dinner of chicken divan.  MMMM, chicken divan.....oh, sorry, easily distracted by yummy food.  Tuesday we went to Fayetteville with Granny to the Children's Museum and the Transportation Museum which were both really interesting.  The kids had a great time.  There was beautiful weather, in the 70s and sunny.  Shorts and t-shirts.  Very nice. 

Then on Wednesday we traveled with Granny to Wilmington to see the North Carolina Battleship.  That was really cool!  It was fun to see all the way that sailors lived on the ship.  It is really a whole town on board.  The kids loved climbing the ladders and checking out all the quarters and equipment.  We went over to Wrightsville Beach and the kids played in the ocean.  They were soaking wet, but had a good time.  Thursday morning we spent with Granny, and then left again around 3.  An all night drive had us arriving home about 5.  Chuck and I slept in....it was well needed.

It was a really nice trip.  After getting home, there was a lot of cleaning to be done to get ready for Easter.  We had a really nice dinner on Sunday with the family, including some face time with Emily in California via the iphone.  And now it is back to the grind.  Everyone is back to school and the routine.  One addition is that Chuck and I are trying to cram in a class in the next couple of weeks.  So, we are taking an online class and I will be busy trying to get that done ASAP. 

Ok, I think that is everything!

Apology

After last week, with all my posts, I thought  I was on my way to being a regular blogger.  Apparently not.  Between my birthday on Friday and our busy weekend, I didn't get a chance to post anything.  And then it happened...I got stuck on a book.  Actually, a series and it has me totally captivated.  I haven't watched tv or done much of anything all week.  I squeeze in a little here and there, but nothing substantial.  So, my blogging has gone by the wayside, and I apologize.  I plan to have a nice long blog about my birthday and Chicago and these books later....right now I have to get back to my book!

My Recent Obsessions

I've said it before and I'll say it again...I love  "Dance Moms".  Those ladies are totally nuts, but I love them.  I wouldn't necessarily make some of the same choices, but I also realize everyone's situation is different and the show doesn't show everything.  It's TV and I'm sure the producers have some say in what is going on. That said.....what in the world is going on with Melissa?  She totally freaked out last night!  She said that they were all picking on her, or "jealous" of her, or prying into her personal life, but that is not what was shown on tv.  It looked like the moms were just trying to be friendly and ask her questions about her engagement.  Why is she being so secretive...that seems weird.  And Abby's comment about how you don't talk about weddings or divorces, that's nuts!  Of course you talk about weddings!  They are happy occasions!  I have never known a bride-to-be that didn't want to talk nonstop about their wedding. 

On another note, I totally love Holly and Nia.  Maybe it is because Holly is in education, or maybe it is because Nia reminds me of Calah, but I just was so happy last night that Nia was in a trio.  And I thought they did very well.  I'm sure in the next episode Abby will blame Nia for it not placing, but from what I could see, she kept up just fine.  And I loved at the end how Abby said she was happy with how they did at the competition, but anyone who watches the show will know that next week Abby will tell the girls about how poorly they did.  It's entertaining, but I hope that there is some nurturing behavior from Abby that is getting cut by the producers. 

And Cathy is crazy.  I was sad that one of her dancers was hurt last night, it's not them that I don't like..it's Cathy and Jill.  Again, I know they cut a lot out, but those two are sure portrayed as sneaky and backstabbers.  At any rate, love the show and I always look forward to the next week!

Another obsession I have, as of late, is Pintrest.  So, thank you Candace for getting me addicted.  And I have done an awful lot of projects.  I made Gabe a rocket pack, helped Calah make a tissue paper stain glass window for her room, made teacher gifts and aunt/uncle gifts for Christmas, made a candy cane wreath, a wall hanging for the hallway, and a storage situation for all my cords (ipod, kindle, phone, etc).  My most recent project was a travel toothbrush/toothpaste container made from a hand towel and some ribbon.  That way, when you get home, you can just throw it in the washing machine.  It definately did not turn out perfectly, but it still is pretty good.  I am really looking forward to trying them out this weekend on our trip.  I made 2, one for the kids, and one for Chuck and I.  I'll take some pictures of my projects tonight and get them up.  I love Pintrest and decided that I actually need to DO some of the things I have pinned.  I have big plans for some desserts (and other foods), too.  But a lot of them have to wait until after Lent (because they have chocolate in them, bummer).  Even if I am not pinning things, I still like looking at all the cool projects out there.

And Red Vines....I am currently loving Red Vines.  Everytime I have to pick up a snack for something, like a scrapbook event or a road trip, I'm getting Red Vines.  Just typing Red Vines makes me want some...I must stop myself.....

Anyway, those are my current obsessions.  Give me 3 weeks, I'm sure they will change!  :)

The Kid's Accomplishments

Today we were at my parent's house for a little while so Chuck and I could visit the eye doctor.  After a wonderful dinner that my mom made (burritos..yum!), the kids went out to play.  Papa had gotten a bike for the grandsons so Gabe got to practice riding a bit.  He is so big.  I can't believe he is going to be five in a couple of months.  It seems like just yesterday he was cuddled in my arms (oh, wait...he was.  He's my snuggle bug!)  I was so proud watching him try to manage that bike.  And then, riding like a complete pro was Calah.  She was riding my old bike and doing it so well.  It made me think of all the things the kids have learned how to do.

I am amazed every day by the new accomplishments that the kids can do.  Calah has always been my little independent one who could do everything quickly. Before she went to preschool she could zip her coat and at four she could buckle her own seatbelt.  One of my fondest memories was just before Calah started kindergarten.  She really wanted tennis shoes that tied and I told her she couldn't wear them to school until she knew how to tie them.  So, the very next morning she sat down with her shoes and said, "ok mom, how do I tie them?"  And she did.  I think she was one of the only kindergarteners that could.  Then it was on to reading, of which she is amazing.  Like 4th-5th grade level.  Pretty good foe a second grader.  Then it was math and spelling...she is a great speller.  And now she is doing well on the piano, the girl has real skills!  I think she gets it from her Aunt Emily...

And Gabe has his own accomplishments.  I swear every day his speech gets better.  We are constantly impressed with what comes out of his mouth.  And he is such a boy!  He runs and jumps and climbs at 4 like Calah does at 8!  He is quite a little charmer and has such personality.  I think about how confident he is and, quite frankly, I'm a little jealous!  This kid juggles two different preschools and three different bus schedules and never flinches.  He doesn't mix up what goes on in the different schools, he just does what he is supposed to do when he is supposed to do it.  He can now buckle himself in in the car (quite an accomplishment and time saver!  Yippee for mom and dad!), get his coat zipped, and for the most part he gets his shoes on the right feet.

I am just so proud of my kids.  And it's my blog...so I'll brag about them if I want! 

Back in a Big Way

Well, I am done being crabby.

Yup, all done.  I don't know if it the beautiful weather, a couple of days off, or getting my to do list done.  Whatever it is, I am back to being happy and chipper.  So I guess I will recap the last little bit.

Friday we had a fog day.  An entire day!  It was amazing!  I swear, I was finally getting up to get around and get the kids to the sitter's, when I got the call.  As tired as I was before, I was super energized when I knew I had the day off!  :)  Gabe and I hung out all day and we played Matchbox cars and Candyland.  It was great.  We got some housework done, picked up Calah, and we all went to the fish fry for dinner.  Yummy!  Sheets changed..check, clean out dressers...check, grocery shopping...check

Saturday was an AMAZING workout.  I haven't done that many yards in long time, but it felt really good!  A little cleaning, a project started, shopping for spring clothes for the kids, dinner, and The Lorax.  Plus I got to school for a while to get things ready for Monday.  The weather was great!  We even went to the park for the second day in a row! Love it. (By the way, The Lorax was great!  I highly recommend it.  And I love watching Gabe.  He never sits and he jumps up and down and laughs at all the funny part.  Watching him is almost more entertaining than the movie!)

And Sunday, after church, we finished our spring shopping, grilled out, and finished the laundry.  So it feels good to have gotten so much done.  I know we need to get outside and do work, but as a true Michigander, I'm not so sure we are done with snow.  We'll hold off on the outside work until April.

And, we have a couple of big weeks coming up.  Next weekend we are visiting my brother and sister in law and for spring break we are going south to visit Chuck's mom.  Plus we are taking the kids to see the children's music group "Gemini".  We have gone to see them a number of times and the kids love them.  So we are looking forward to that.  At any rate, there are only two weeks until spring break, the weather is nice, and I have an anniversary coming up.  So all in all...I am much happier and ready to tackle the week!

Still Crabby

Yup, still stuck.  And I had a whole post about it until I realized I don't want to put that out there.  So, for now, this is it.

Crabby

I haven't posted lately because I have been so crabby.  And it's not getting better, so I am going to dump here in hopes that it will.  If you don't want to hear my rant, stop now.  If you continue to read, you do so at your own risk.

The first thing, at least for tonight, is what I have been saying for a long time.  In my line of work, we are in the business of children, but heaven forbid we have our own.  I cannot expand on this because this is obviously an online publication and I do wish to deal with the retribution that may happen.  And I should emphasize that I am not mad, just irritated.

And then it is just everything.  Everything irritates me and for no reason.  It's testing week and we have a tornado drill.  I know, not a major deal, but it messes up my room and I hate that.  People run into me at the pool when I am taking up the most minimal space possible.  As usual, my house is a mess and the laundry isn't done and I have no energy to do it.  Even though I have been exercising on a regular basis, now all of a sudden, my joints are all starting to hurt.  My knee hurts going up stairs, my hips hurt if I sit too long, my heels hurt if I stand too long, and my shoulders...well, they were never good and have always caused me pain.  I guess I could chalk it up to getting older or being out of shape, either way, it makes me crabby.

The truth is, my depression has just taken longer to kick in than usual, and instead of accepting it this year, I am fighting it.  Some days are better than others, and instead of sitting on the couch with a bunch of junk food, or crying, or sleeping, I'm crabby.  I don't like being this way and there is really no reason for it.  None at all.  My husband has been wonderful.  He takes care of the kids, helps around the house, cleans up the kitchen and helps with dinner.  I couldn't ask for a better guy.  My kids have been well behaved, for the most part.  And we are all healthy.  My students are finally starting to realize that they need to work and they will be rewarded for it.  See....nothing to really complain about.  I want to snap out of this, but as anyone who has struggled with depression will tell you, it is not that easy.  I want to be happy, I just can't shake this feeling in my heart of sadness.  People tell you all the time, "Fake it 'til you make it".  I am sorry to say for me it is not that easy.  Chuck has always told me in the past to get out and do something and I will feel better.  Well, this year I have done that, and it did make it a little better, but I am still crabby.  And it still hurts.

For me, depression feels like someone turned off a light switch and I can't reach it to turn it back on.  One day, it will just be back on, but I have to wait for that day to come.  It hurts in my heart, an actual physical pain that just nags constantly.  I can try to push it off to the side, but it still just sits there.  Those commercials for depression medication are right on the money.  It feels like a robe that you can't take off or a weight around you that you can't get rid of.  And, for me at least, there is never any real reason for it.  Sure, I have tough days, but nothing that can't be over come, nothing that is any worse than anyone else.  I don't like to be a "Woe is me" person.  I have known too many people like that in my life and they annoy me.  I know I complain a lot, and it is something I am working on (obviously not here, not now, but usually).  That is what sucks the most about depression, there is nothing for me to complain about except stupid stuff.  Frustrating!

On top of that,  I have some major decisions to make in the next couple of months.  I'm sure the pressure of these decisions is not helping.  When I have weighed the pros and cons, I will post them and how I came to the decision I did.  The kids are good.  Calah is very excited to dress up as Laura Ingalls tomorrow for "Dress as Your Favorite Character Day". 

She is dancing beautifully and swimming hard.  Gabe is so sweet and his speech is progressing.  I am still amazed by him every day.  He is just my little bundle of energy.  Chuck was recently elected the president of the Lansing Model Railroad Club.  It is a responsibility that I know he will enjoy.  He is my hero and I thank God every day that He brought Charlie into my life.

Things will get better, they always do.  In the meantime, maybe my little rant will make me feel like I have gotten something off my chest.

My Baby Girl is 8

Today I reflected on the day my beautiful daughter came into my life.  It was a great day.  We waited so long, and even when it was time, the girl didn't want to come out! But a little surgery can get any baby out!  She has made my life so rich.  I truly do not remember what my life was like before.  And not only has she been a blessing in my life, but I truly believe she has made the world a better place, just by being Calah.

Yesterday we had her birthday party.  When we started discussing it, she said, "Mom, I want to donate my presents again to the children's hospital"  She has done this the last two years.  I am so proud of her.  She has a really big heart and she wants to help the children at the hospital because she feels bad that they had to leave all their toys at home.  So when planning her party, I am willing to go on the bigger side so she has some things to give.  Calah wanted to have a sledding party, but with the winter that we are having, there was no way I could promise her snow.  So we had it at the bowling alley.  She invited her entire class, her dance class, and some friends from out of town.  To say that it was controlled chaos is an understatement.  But it was fun.  We had pizza and cupcakes, and everyone got to bowl.  I have to give a big thank you to my friend, Michelle, who so generously painted faces. She did a beautiful job!

Awesome!  I know!  Anyway, Calah's friends were very generous to the children at the hospital.  We are headed over this week to drop them off.
Then, in my crazy desire to give my child the best birthday I could, we had a sleep over.  The initial guest list was close to 12 girls, but we ended up with 7.  We had tacos for dinner, crafts to keep them busy, and a movie to help them go to sleep.  There was only one little bickering, and that was resolved when I offered to be punished for letting it happen.  They informed me I had to go to time out for 35 minutes because that is how old I am (At least I know that other parents are doing the same thing we do, time out for the number of minutes that you are old).  The found the timer that we normally use and set it for 3 minutes and 50 seconds.  I did not correct them, but they did protest when the timer went off way too soon (in their opinion!).  But at least the bickering was over!

After a movie, the kids finally settled down.  Just to be up crazy early this morning.  But we got everyone fed, clothed, and packed up.  After they left, we took Calah out to lunch and then home for a family nap.  Unfortunately, the aftermath of the slumber party needed to be picked up, but soon enough it was present time.  Chuck and I are so proud of Calah donating her toys from the party to the hospital, that we like to do something special for her.  So.....her American Girl doll Rebecca now has a sister, Molly.  I did think that it might be more fun to play with two so they could have conversations.  And for Christmas, Santa had brought a bunk bed, so they each have a space.  She is really happy.

It was a good day.  I love my little girl so much.  I know parents always say this, but it is hard to believe it has been eight years.  Eight wonderful, glorious years.

Taking Care of Myself

So this past week I have been sick.  And instead of running myself into the ground like I normally do, I went to bed and stayed there. 

It started last Sunday in my chest and I knew I was in for it.  So Monday I went to doctor's.  Here is what they told me.  First it will take your voice, then, after the antibiotics where off, you'll be exhausted and get a deep cough in your chest that will last for about four weeks.  Lovely, huh?  So much to look forward to.  So, I got a shot of antibiotics and went home to bed.

Tuesday I took  a nap and went to bed early.  Wednesday, bed early.  Thursday, bed early.  I did make it to work everyday, but it was push.  Fortunately, I have an absolutely wonderful husband who made dinners, lunches, and took care of the kids.  I didn't go to the pool on Tuesday because I didn't want to push myself too hard, although I did finally find my motivation (when I went to the doctor I found out how much weight I have lost...YAY!).  This week I have had more sleep than I have had in a long time.  And it totally paid off, I am finally starting to feel better.

Friday night Chuck and I relaxed in preparation for Saturday.  A day of cleaning!  After letting the house go all week, it was a day long necessity!  But we got it done, and today is just a relaxing day with a little laundry and school work to do.  But at least I am feeling better.

In need of Motivation

That is me.  I am in desperate need of motivation.

Usually this is the time of year that I am in full planning mode for Calah's birthday party.  I love planning both kids' parties, and in the winter I usually need this party to perk me up and get me going.  But for whatever reason this year, I can't get going.  The bowling alley is booked, but that is it.  I need to get the invitations out yesterday...literally.  I like to have them out two weeks before the party and it is two weeks from today.  So that is late.  I plan to get them out Monday, but I haven't even started making them yet.  And here I sit.  Then there is the rest of the party to plan for (cake, gifts, favors, etc).  Not to mention, every year I make a memory video for each of the kids' birthdays and I haven't even started Calah's yet.  Still, even will all this hanging over my head, I can't seem to get motivated.

This isn't the only area I have been unmotivated in lately, although it is the most urgent.  I have continued to go to the pool and swim, but I'm not pushing myself like I should.  I have good ideas on workouts and then talk myself out of them on the way to the pool.  All I really want to do lately is sleep.  I want to continue the weight loss I have started, I want to push myself, I want to get better and swim faster, but we all know that wanting isn't enough.  I need to do it.  I try to console myself by saying "at least I got in the pool and did something"  or "it is like I ran 4 miles", but if I am going to be honest, that is not enough.  I need to work harder.  I'm just not motivated.

My house is suffering again.  Sure, it's not filthy, but it's cluttered and there are many closets, dressers, and bins that need to be cleaned out.  No motivation.  My mail table stares at me every evening, irritatingly messing.  The movies are a disaster.  The kids' papers from school are in a pile waiting to be sorted.   And yet, I sit here. 

Where did my drive and motivation go?  I know that we are busy all week and need weekends to unwind, but I still need to clean my house and do the laundry.  And get a few other things done, too.  Nothing seems to get me going.  If anyone has any ideas...I'm all ears.  But in the mean time, I think I'll hold the couch down.

I work with Amazing Teachers!

I have amazing collegues. 

A couple of weeks ago, our National Honor Society hosted a dress exchange.  Basically, girls donate gently used formal dresses and we sold them for $5-$20.  This is our third year and we do it for multiple reasons.  We are hoping to provide low cost, nice dresses for the girls at our school that may not be able to afford them otherwise.  We donate the money to the local woman's shelter.  When it is over we keep the really good ones for the next year, the rest we donate to Goodwill or the Adoptive Family Network. And my students get a chance to lead and organize a project.

Anyway, back to my collegue.  The left over dresses are in my back room.  So I had a fellow teacher come in and ask if she and a student could go through the dresses.  This student had been unable to make the dress exchange, and......didn't have any money to buy a dress.  After trying on a few dresses, she found one she loved.  My friend and collegue told this beautiful young lady that she should have the dress she loved, and that she would buy it for her.  Meanwhile, she picked out another dress for another student who needs one.  This wonderful woman, who is a single mom herself, is so generous and gracious that she is willing to buy dresses for her students so that they can have a nice time at the prom or sno-ball.

For the record, I also know these young ladies and probably would have given them the dresses.  And the money doesn't go to me or even to the National Honor Society.  It goes to the women in our community who need a safe place to stay.  So, whatever she gives me for the dresses is fine, I told her it was up to her.

This is what I am talking about when I talk about how much teachers give.  It's not just about the reading, writing, and 'rithmatic (and let's face it....the super cool science!), it's about the students.  It's not just paper, pencils, and school supplies that we dip into our pockets for, it is coats, shoes, and in some cases, prom dresses to make sure that our students are warm or have a complete high school experience.

I would also be remiss if I didn't give kudos to one of our special ed teachers who is developed a soup kitchen with her students.  These students are using practical skill that they will need to survive in the real world.  They are learning cooking skills, math skills, and communicating skills.  They come and sell the soup to the staff every week. The money they earn (I think) helps them to purchase Christmas gifts for their families and pay for tickets for them to go to prom.  These are student who do not have much.  They would never be able to afford these things on their own.  I think this is amazing. 

Thirdly, our school also had a dinner last week that was a fundraiser for juvenile diabetes.  It was planned and organized by two classes of students.  Their teachers (one of which is a friend of mine) did a great job of helping them learn planning and preparation skills. 

I know there are so many other things that are going on in our school and so many other teachers that are giving so much to our students, more than an education, but a chance.  In a place where more often than not, we wonder what is going on and how we are ever going to make it through another day, it is nice to remember that we have an amazing staff that does amazing things with our students.

Why do we make them grow up so fast?

My sister wrote a really great article this week for her local paper.

http://www.themorningsun.com/articles/2012/01/25/opinion/srv0000017255923.txt

I got me thinking....why do we make our kids grow up so fast?  These days everyone is pushing their kids to act older, be more responsible, and excel at everything they do.  I look at some of the shows that are on today, Dance Moms, Toddlers and Tiaras, and so on (yes, I know that I love Dance Moms...that doesn't make what they do to their kids ok).  What is wrong with just running around outside and acting silly?  What is wrong with playtime instead of all scheduled time?

Yes, my kids have activities that they are involved in.  We have tried to base them on the kids' interests and still leave them lots of playtime.  And we started slow, there was no reason for them to play soccer, basketball, t-ball, take swimming lessons, and dance all at age 3. 

Speaking of slowly, lets start at the beginning of life.......I know that everyone has their own way of raising their babies and whatever works for your family is great.  But, this is my blog, so I am just going to say what we did.  Take it as you will, it worked for us. 

When both Calah and Gabe were babies, we kept them in our room as long as we could.  When they didn't fit in the bassinet anymore, then we moved them to a crib in in their own room.  However, when they woke up in the middle of the night, they ended up in bed with us for the rest of the night.  Yes, we were co-sleeper and both of our children are ok.  Then there was nursing.  I nursed for over a year, and waited until they were six months old to give them anything else.  My kids were slow to walk, both well over a year when they started.  We didn't push them to be potty trained.  Both were 3 before they were trained, even to the point with Gabe that we weren't sure that he was going to be able to go to preschool.  Yes, both kids went to preschool....at 3.  We didn't try to make them go to school early, even attend a daycare that was too structured.  My thoughts were only on play.  That is what I wanted my children to do during the day, play.  They didn't know their alphabet going into preschool.  They knew how to play and use their imagination.  When we selected a preschool, we made sure is was based on the play to learn philosophy.  And my kids were/are totally ready for school. 

When Calah was four, we were at swimming lessons and I was sitting next to a couple of parents.  One was talking about her five year old and their activities...horseback riding, piano lessons, Spanish lessons, swimming lessons, and dance.  She was concerned that her child wasn't reading yet.  She said to me, "You are a teacher, what kinds of things do you do with Calah?  Is she reading yet?"  I was in serious disbelief!  I had not done anything with Calah except let her be a little girl.  And yet, as a second grader she is reading between a fourth and fifth grade level.  I don't think it did her any harm.

Now Gabe was a different story.  We still didn't push the academics on him, but he has had much more structure and time in school because of his speech delay.  But still in his second year of preschool, he is just getting his letters and numbers down....and I couldn't be prouder.

I am proud because my children can play for hours outside in the winter or summer, creating forts and hideouts and fighting bad guys.  I am proud because they can have "meeting" in their room with all their stuffed animals.  I am proud because they can ride in the car for HOURS (like 14 straight) without a television screen or movie.  I am proud because they color pictures and tell stories.  I am proud because they do not need to rely on technology to have a good time.  I am proud because they would rather be doing something than sitting in front of the tv.  I am proud because they love school and can't wait to learn new things.

I will say that we do keep up in the summer.  Calah has a summer program through the Grand Rapids school district that keeps her skills up.  We are part of the summer reading program at the library.  We try to do some fun educational field trips in the summer like nature walks and trips to museums year round.  I want them to think that learning is fun.  Yes, it is nice to be smart, it is smarter to be nice.  I would rather raise a kid that is nice to everyone, than one that is the valedictorian.  Of course if they are both, that would be ok.  :)

And that leads me to extracurriculars....why do we have to start our kids at 3 (or younger) and push them in a very specific direction at such a young age?  Calah got a late start.  We let her try soccer at 5 and waited until 7 to introduce basketball.  By the standards in our small town, she is behind.  But we want her to try things and have fun and figure out what she likes before we pursue it full force.  Again, I would rather raise a well rounded, happy child than one that has been forced down a certain path.

All I'm saying is we don't have to push our children to grow up.  They grow up fast enough as it is.  I miss the days when my baby girl could curl up in my lap.  She still will on occasion, but it isn't her favorite place anymore.  I miss the days when I could rock and snuggle my baby boy until he fell asleep.  Now the only snuggles I get from him are in the morning when he is waking up.  The rest of the day he has one speed....go!  I miss my babies.  They are growing up so fast and every day they can do more and more.  I know they still have a long way to go, but I also know that in a blink of the eye I will be standing at their graduation, their wedding days, and then they will have their own children.  And I hope when they do, they look fondly on their childhood and say, "I'm glad that my mom let us play, I am glad my childhood was happy and full of adventure....even if it was just in my own backyard." 

Because that is what I want for my children.  Not fame, not glory.....just happiness.

New piano

So, we bought a piano.

I found it on Craigslist and it was a really good deal.  It is a beautiful console Everett piano.  I was really lucky to find it like I did.  I contacted the seller the day she posted it, and if I hadn't, I'm sure it would have been gone.  Anyway, after going to see it, I had to have it.  There was no way I was letting Chuck move it, with the many back issues he has had, so we hired movers.  And let me tell you, it cost more to move that to purchase.

It arrived on Wednesday.  I don't think that Calah and I could have been more excited.  She loves Mimi and Papa's piano and has been asking for one for years.  And lately I have really wanted one, too.  I play.  Not spectacularly, but I can read music and play a bit.

When I was a kid I took lessons.  I started in 4th grade, and I remember liking it for quite a while. I really liked my first piano teacher.  She was just around the corner from my house and I also became friends with her daughter.  Then I had to change teachers.  After that I don't think I liked it as much.  I know that my parents definitely had to get after me to practice.  Once I got to high school, it was really down hill.  I think my senior year I had a lesson every other week and I refused to compete or perform.  That was a low point.

But, even in college I tried to find empty practice rooms in the music building every now and then.  My interest has increased in the last couple of years and I think of it as a nice stress relief to be able to sit down and play.  Especially if nobody is telling me I have to.  (This may surprise you, but I don't like being told what to do....I know....shocker).  Just having the choice and opportunity will be nice.

Calah really wants to learn.  So I have decided that I will teach her.  At least for a while.  Until we are ready to kill each other or she out does my skill level.  Then I will get her real lessons.  We actually sat down and came up with rules.  She has to listen to me as her teacher and not whine or complain, but I can't yell at her.  That seems fair.  We have had 2 lessons already and she is doing very well.  She practices without complaint and will practice multiple times a day.  We'll see how long that lasts!  But I am so glad that she likes it and is happy right now.  She is even excited that during next year's talent show, she will be able to play the piano for a talent.

So that is the story of the piano.  And Mom and Dad, all that money you spent on piano lessons for me was not wasted.  I may have complained (A LOT) then, but now I am really happy that I can play and share that gift with my children.  Thank you.

Frustrations in Education

So, when did people start to think that schools should be run like businesses?

This has bothered me for some time now, and today is as good a time as any to air these complaints.  And that is not to say that I am against school reform.  There are definitely things that could be changed.  But I pretty sure that schools should not be run like businesses.  And here is why.....

First of all, when businesses make products, they make sure that they are getting a quality raw material.  Sure, every now and then they have to make a lesser quality material work, but if their supplier isn't delivering the quality they need and want, they get a new supplier.  Schools do not choose their supplier.  All children in this country are entitled to an education, but all children do not come in the same.  Say what you will, but home life is going to be the biggest influence on a child's attitude and disposition.  If a student is read to at home from a young age, encouraged by their parents to do their best, and spends quality time with their parents, they are going to have a better attitude about school and will try harder to succeed.  If a student does not know whether or not their is going to be heat, food, or running water, or whether or not they are going to be physically, verbally, or sexually abused, or spend any quality time with their parents, or have been told that school is not important, they are most likely not going to value their education.  And not that I necessarily blame them.  If I didn't know where my next meal was coming from, homework would be that last thing on my mind, too.  So, students come to school with a large range of abilities and values regarding education.

Now, I consider myself to be a fairly effective teacher.  I use humor and analogies to explain complicated concepts.  I have a pretty good rapport with my students.  I am available before school, after school, and at lunch to help struggling students.  I try to organize my classes so they are not difficult to pass, but challenge students if they want an A.  I try a variety of techniques to incorporate different learning styles.  I use technology as well as traditional methods.  And still, I have students who just don't care.  Talking to them does nothing, encouraging does nothing, threatening does nothing.  Their grades are not any motivation at all.  I have students who are supposed to be on medication (whether it is for ADHD, depression, or some other disorder that I am not allowed to know about) and are not using the medication for a number of reasons.  And I am supposed to do what for that kid?  The parents can't afford or won't get the medicine, the kid is suffering and can't focus, and I cannot let this child fall behind.   On what planet does that make sense?

Second, business are always trying to cut overhead.  When a school funding gets cut, it is the supplies and staff that gets cut.  Supplies are essential to teaching.  There are the basics like paper, pencils, and staples that are consumable and must be replaced every year.  Text books and computers which are inevitably worn out and broken over time and must be replaced.  There are staff, teachers, secretaries, custodians, and para pros, which supervise and help kids succeed.  Even (and especially) that kid who is off his meds and having a hard time concentrating.  When staff is cut, the student to adult ratio is higher.  So while we have to spend time with the one kid who needs the special help, we have 30-35 others who also need instruction and supervision.  Class sizes are larger.  There may be teachers out there who are able to engage all of their 40 students all of the time, but I am willing to bet that they are not the norm.

It seems obvious to me that man power is always going to be the biggest expense of any organization.  Education is no exception.  Except in education, the employees are not producing a static product, they are working with the greatest gift any parent has ever been given.  We are expected to produce productive members of society in the short time we see them.  And we are supposed to do that despite the baggage they come in with or the fact that we over 30 of these wonderful,  baggaged gifts in each class.

I love my job, please do not think otherwise.  The joy that comes from watching students succeed cannot be measured or compared to anything else.  I can't imagine getting that kind of satisfaction from any other job.  It is wonderful...when politicians and well meaning members of the community let us do our jobs.

It is really difficult to educate when we have so much red tape and ridiculous requirements.  See, educators went to school.  We got degrees in education.  And we continue to take classes and learn new things at inservices.  We took classes in child development and psychology, pedagogy, and special needs learners.  In addition to our subject area.  We took tests that deem us highly qualified to teach.

So I guess my saying all of this is just a plea to all well meaning community members and parents.  Please trust us to do our jobs.  We really do have the best interest of your kids at heart.

Happy Anniversary

So today I have been married to my husband for 12 wonderful years.  I still remember our wedding day like it was yesterday.......

The morning of the wedding it was snowing, not a lot but enough to give everything a clean fresh coat.  I was so excited!  It was risky to try have a wedding in January, but I love the snow, and I love the winter, and in the long run, I am so glad that we did it. 


During breakfast, the boys pulled in.  Chuck and his groomsmen.  They were on the hunt for black socks.  Word to the wise, when renting a tux, they do not come with socks.  Anyway, Chuck was in the car, and I was ducking under the windows so he couldn't see me.  After they left, I had my hair done.  A few days earlier, I had had my nails done, but they were so incredibly long, and I was not used to them.  I couldn't even take my contacts out for days!

Once we were at the church, the bridesmaids, my mom, and I were all crammed into this little room, but it didn't matter.  We all got dressed and primped and ready.  Everything was just perfect.  When it came time for me to go down the aisle, I did have a moment of cold feet.  I actually asked my bridesmaids on the way out the door if they liked Chuck, because I could still call it off if I needed to.  They laughed and told me to go get married!

Our ceremony was perfect.  Our priest was so great and really made everyone feel comfortable.  The reception was a blast.  I know that I drank a lot, I always had a drink in my hand, but I never got drunk.  I think I sweat it all out.  I love to dance and I had a great time dancing the night away. 

After the wedding it was so nice to get away with my Charlie.  And I'll leave it at that. 

Our wedding day was wonderful and perfect.  But it was only the beginning of our great adventure.  We have had a fantastic marriage and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

First Snow Day

Today is the first snow day of the 2011-2012 school year.  I have to admit I was a little surprised.  When I looked out the window this morning, I was positive we would have school, but then, slowly, the closings for my county came in.  Then I was positive that the kids had school.  But they get to stay home, too!  The only bummer is that Chuck had to go to work.  I don't think it's the school day itself, it's the complaining that the students will be doing that bothers him.  I understand.  There are days we go to school when the surrounding schools are off, and I have to hear it, too.

Anyway, I did try to sleep in a little bit.  The kids were up at the usual time, wanting to be fed and watch cartoons.  It was nice to just relax and enjoy the morning.  Then I sent the kids out.  They were outside for over an hour, and I finally called them in.  Maybe after lunch and a nap they can go out again.  Right now they are playing upstairs.  I love that they get along and play nicely together, most of the time.

As for me, I think I should finally get out of my pjs and get some things done.  The rest of Christmas decorations have to come down and I need to put the winter decorations out.  There is clutter in almost every room that needs to be cleaned up.  And I am sure that there is a project I could find to work on.  I think that I'll do it slowly and enjoy the day, too.  Maybe we need to play a couple of games when the kids start to bicker.  Since we have the weekend, too, I am not in any big hurry to make sure everything gets done.  I think a nap at some point this weekend is called for.

Maybe I'll stay in my pjs all day after all.......

Super busy!

I am trying very hard to keep my resolutions.

So far, in the 5 mornings that we have all had to leave the house by 6:30, I have not yelled.  So far, so good.  It leads to a much more pleasant morning.  The kids are seeing that, too.  They are learning if they do what they are supposed to do, when they are supposed to do it (eat, brush teeth, put on shoes, etc) then life is much nicer.  And I have done my part by making them more responsible at night.  They put their homework in their bags, make sure they have shoes, and put their bags by the door.  I have also been very good to make sure lunches are packed, coffee is made, and breakfast is on the table the night before.  By the time I actually sit down, I am exhausted, but the house is clean and everything is ready for the morning.  It makes me feel more at peace. 

Being optimistic is going well, too!  Last week, a coworker got a document reader from the district over break.  I saw it on the way to my room and thought, "Man, I really wanted one, bet I didn't get it."  Then I stopped myself and said, "No, be optimistic, if he got one, I bet I did, too!"  And sure enough, sitting on my supply cart was a document reader.  And I have used it every day!  Almost every period.  I am so happy!

I also have spent lots of time with the kiddos and off the computer.  We had family game night last week.  We played Pictureka and everybody did really well, even Gabe.  I thought he might struggle, but he did pretty good all on his own.  We were all really impressed. 

This past weekend we were gone to Engaged Encounter at a beautiful facility in Holly, Michigan.  It was the first weekend that we have presented with the new national outline and it went really well.  There are bugs to be worked out, but there will be with a new anything.  We had a really great time.

This week is super busy!  With meetings, grocery shopping, dance classes, swim lessons, basketball pictures, basketball games, doctor's appointments, and basketball practice.....we are on the GO!  But I think we have the schedule all worked out.  And I am going to try to get back in the pool this week.  I hope to find another meet this winter, I guess I should start looking so I know what to train for. Oh, and the Christmas decorations are still up and need to come down.

And we have a big event this week....Calah's first reconciliation.  I can't believe that she is ready for that.  I'm sure that she will do fine, but when I talked to her about what a sin was, she started crying.  She can't stand to have done something intentionally wrong.  So anything that she has to confess will probably make her burst into tears.  I hope that she can hold it together.  I kept telling her that she will feel so much better when she is done.  I won't be able to be there because they going during school, but I can't wait to get home to talk to her about it on Thursday.  I think we will celebrate that night.  After all, it is a sacrament and it deserves celebration.  Especially the first time.

Working Hard

So far I have kept my resolutions.  I have played more with my kids than been online, and was optimistic this morning as I went to work.  It has been paying off, and so as of day 4...things are good.

I have been working really hard the last couple of weeks.  Engaged Encounter recently tweeked the national outline that we use.  So Chuck and I have been rewriting our talks for the last year.  Ok.....a little here, a little there, and a really big push in the last week.  Then there is the other stuff that needs to be done with this change over.  New EE "bible"  with all the tips and things that need to be done for each talk.  New handouts.  And other new activities.  We are giving our first weekend with the new talks this weekend.  I am really excited.  I love the new outline.  And now that we have put in all the work to write the talks, it will be fun to use them.

On top of that, we are as busy as ever around here.  Calah's first basketball game was tonight.  She did pretty well, but she is not very aggressive.  I guess there are worse things.  We are all back in school, so that takes a toll on everyone.  Dance classes and swim meets have started again.  But I am staying on top of everything and trying to be proactive.  It is amazing what a little advance planning can do.


So, it's business as usual at the Holman house and we are all working  hard.