Emergency

Wow!  I must have gained readership!  Was it because I told people to read at their own risk, of because I put in a disclaimer?  Anyway, I am happy people are reading my blog, and that nobody said anything mean to me.

This post is about my adventures at the dentist today.  It all started 2 weeks ago with a couple of fillings.  Things felt better for a few days, but then got worse.  I had my bite adjusted, I was on antibiotics, but nothing was helping.  I was in so much pain, it would wake me up at night.  I was taking pain medicine to get through the day.  I couldn't live like that, so I called the dentist and he worked me in this morning.

After looking at my x-rays, it was determined that I had tooth resorption.  Basically, my tooth was dying, but not through decay or infection.  It's sort of ideopathic.  So I needed a root canal.  Yuck.  I'm not going to lie.  I got pretty emotional, I just felt bad that I needed one.  It's not my fault, it was nothing I did or didn't do, but I still was sad.

It's a long process, but I am very grateful to my dentist for fitting me in and fixing me up today.  I know that it meant disrupting his schedule and working me in, but I feel so much better.  It will probably be a little sore for a couple of days, with the amount of stuff that was in my mouth today, but I know that I will feel much better soon.

So, I missed a day of school.  I wasn't planning it, I really needed to be there, but what can I say...when you need an emergency root canal, you need an emergency root canal. 

My Daily Struggle

This post comes with a disclaimer.  If you are someone whose feelings are easily bruised, you may want to stop now.  I am not sure who I will offend with this, it is not directed at anyone, but just in case know that you have been forewarned.

I have a daily struggle.  Every morning I have to get up and go to a job that wears me down.  Not to be confused with dislike, I like my job, but it wears on me.  But this is not a post about my job, it is a post about leaving my family.

I hate leaving my kids.  I love my sitter and I love their school, but I hate leaving them.  They are two of the most wonderful children.  I will admit to the fact that I am ridiculously jealous of parents who get to stay home with their children when they are growing up.  I am jealous of couples who have a partner that is able to make enough money to pay all the bills and allow one person to stay home.  For us that was never an option.  We do not live extravagantly, but one teacher's salary is just not enough.  I also think it ridiculous to think that because you stay home, somehow your life/job is more difficult.  More difficult than what, those of us who have to work outside the home and then come home and make sure everything there runs smoothly, too?  Let's just agree they are both challenging, no one more than the other.

But, anyway, leaving my children was excruciating.  I know there are some people who need adult interaction or a break, and that is fine.  I am not one of those people.  For one thing, there is little to no adult interaction at my job and usually the only time I need a break is after a long day of work.  When they were first born, I cried every day when I had to leave them.  I felt so guilty for having to go to work.  For the first six months of Calah in daycare, I cried.  The first three months for Gabe.  I need to say, they never cried.  They were fine, it was mom that was a mess.

Admittedly, it has gotten better over the years.  Now that they are in school, I know I wouldn't see them all day anyway.  And I have decided that if I am working, we are going to send them to a school that has the same values we do.  That means paying for private education and that is the most extravagant thing we do.  I have nothing against public education (I'm a public educator, for Pete's sake), but I know that my children are going to get more attention in a private school along with values that our family has.  It is an expense I am willing to pay... for them.  I can also send them to dance class and swimming lessons.  I am extremely plugged in to their lives.  I try to ask them every day about their friends, their class, and how they are feeling about everything.  But somehow I don't feel less guilty.

I feel guilty that I am not there to drop them off and pick them up.  I feel guilty that I can't be a room mom.  I feel guilty I can't be at every field trip or party.  I feel guilty if I forget a permission slip, pair of shoes, or a snack.  I feel guilty if I come home from a rough day and snap at my kids for something little.  I feel guilty that we don't have enough time together and try to schedule as much as possible.  I feel guilty, guilty, guilty.

I am horribly jealous of people who can stay home, and I feel guilty about that.  So if I don't ask how things are going for you, it's only because I am painfully aware of my jealous feelings and I don't like to reopen that wound.

That all being said...my children have learned wonderful things by my working.  They are very independent.  My children have both navigated the local dial a ride as three year old preschoolers.  They can share and get along with a variety of types of children.  They are not judgmental of children who are different than they are.  They are very adept to routine and time schedules.  They adjust to new situations well and are good natured about it.  They are rarely clingy and like to try new things.  I know this is, in part, due to having to adjust at very young ages.  They have also had every cold and flu they could get, and their immune systems are strong.  Those are all very positive things that wouldn't have happened if I had stayed home.

I know that I will still struggle on the days my children go off to their Halloween or Christmas parties and I can't be there, but every day it gets a little better.  And I have to remember, if I didn't go to work that I wouldn't get what I do when I walk through the door now....the loud chorus of "Mommy's home"  followed by two big hugs and kisses.

Our Fantastic Day!

Today was fantastic! Let's start at the beginning.

First of all, Chuck and I slept in.  The joys of having children who know how to turn on their own cartoons cannot be put into words.  Today they let us sleep until 9ish.  After the week we both had, it was wonderful.

Then we got around and went to Grand Rapids for Art Prize.  We went last year and loved it.  So, this year it was a no brainer.  First we saw the world's largest bean bag.  Then we helped an artist color his painting.  The kids loved that! 

We saw a couple of guys who were awesome living statues. 

We saw a large trout head, a dinosaur statue, and a man made of money.  There were awesome hearts made of stones in the river and the blue bridge was covered in monkeys...it's AMAZING! 

We looked at a cool green tiger that the kids thought looked hungry.  We thought about inviting him to lunch with us, but then decided not to. 

After lunch, we checked out all the art at Grand Valley's downtown campus.  And we checked out this awesome dog that says it is a self portrait of the artist. 

There was an enormous door and chairs that the kids enjoyed sitting on them. 

There were some really cool exhibits at the Gerald R. Ford Museum including a field of flowers made of recycled bottles, some bear sculptures in the fountain (Calah's favorite), and a group of statues memorializing Michigan's fallen soldiers. 

We headed back across the river and saw this really cool art called "Dumpster Diving".  They were actual dumpsters with a scuba diver and whale made from recycled materials. 

The last thing we saw on the way back to the car was a giant Tonka truck...they called it a Tonku truck.  Gabe was absolutely thrilled!  He couldn't get enough of it.

We could have seen a lot more, we didn't even get through a small part of it.  But limit to the Art Prize experience can be measured by the stamina of your smallest child.  There is only so much the kids can do, see, and distance they can walk.  So, we had to call it quits.  But overall, it was an amazing experience.  By the way, this painting was my favorite.  It was in the Plaza Towers.

We came home and I made homemade lasagna for dinner.  Yummy!  Then Calah was off to a movie with her girlfriends (yes, she is old enough to do that!  I can't believe it either!), and Chuck and I took Gabe to a football game.  The team didn't do so well, but we had fun.  Now that the kids are in bed and asleep, Chuck and I are watching "RED".  It is kinda funny, and I am enjoying it.

I can't think of a more wonderful day.  I hope that a lot of people go to see Art Prize, it is well worth the trip.

Oops....

I have a feeling that it won't be my only post with that title.

In my tv programs I am looking forward to, I neglected to mention a few important ones.  Glee was a major overlook.  I love Glee.  The songs make me happy and even though I spend my entire day in high school, I can say there these kids are slightly more entertaining.  Did anyone watch the season premiere?  I have to say that I love Quinn's new look.  I am very excited to see where they take that story line.

Blue Bloods is another one I forgot to mention.  I am watching it now.  Tom Selleck is still good looking after all these years.  And Donnie Wahlberg...yummy.  I love the dynamics of the show and his relationship with his wife is awesome.  I hope this one sticks around for a while.

After watching the season premieres this week, I have to say I am excited for the seasons.  I did watch the premiere of Two and a Half Men, just out of curiosity.  Not sure I will keep it up.  It wasn't bad, it was actually quite funny, but I never was a big watcher before.  I did enjoy the Big Bang Theory, The Middle, Modern Family, and Whitney.  Prime Suspect had both Chuck and I cheering last night.  And of course.....

The Office...loved that Andy is the Regional Manager.  That in my opinion was an awesome move.  The combination of Andy and Robert California...going to be interesting.

In other less exciting news, I am having some major tooth issues.  After a couple of fillings last week, I got an infection and the pain was excruciating.  Fortunately, I have a great dentist and am now taking an antibiotic and pain meds.  It is getting better, not as quickly as I would like, but now I have more achy pain than sharp pain.  All I can do is hope that it will go away soon.

Ooo...this is sort of fun.  The other night, our family had "Yellow Dinner".  It was really fun.  We had a yellow tablecloth, yellow plates, yellow cups, yellow silverware, yellow napkins.  We ate pears, crescent rolls, corn, chicken spaghetti, and lemonade.  And we had banana pudding for dessert.  It was so much fun!  I made everyone wear yellow shirts to dinner.  Something a little different, but the kids loved it! 

So, tomorrow we are off to Art Prize.  An exciting weekend for the Holmans!

My new hottie

Has anyone watched the new Anderson Cooper talk show?  I think I love him.  Really.  He is absolutely adorable.  And I had no idea that Gloria Vanderbilt was his mother.  So cute.

I do have to say that there is one thing that bothers me.  All the promos for the show and the first couple episodes have him riding around New York on his bicycle WITHOUT a helmet.  Now, I am not one that wears a helmet ( I know I should, good example and all), but someone that pretty really should wear a helmet.

So, Anderson....I really like you and your new show.  Please wear a helmet.

Chaos

This is the word that is summing up my life right now.  At least in regards to getting Gabe the speech therapy he needs.

Most of the people who read this are already aware of Gabe's speech history, but for those who aren't, I'll recap.

When Gabe was a toddler, he didn't say any words.  He made noises, but no words.  He would point to things, drag you to things, or make motions so you would understand.  At 18 months, no words.  Everyone said, "Don't worry, he's a boy.  It will come.  He'll talk when he's ready.  He's just a late talker." And so on.  At 20 months, nothing.  At 23 months, there was "Mama"  but not consistently and not necessarily at me.  I was worried, not excessively so, but when other two year olds are running around talking up a storm, and mine just makes noises, it is hard not to.

It was at this time that I had a student that I was fairly certain was on the autism spectrum, although the parents had never had this student tested.  This student had been home schooled before high school, and while the parents did an excellent job academically preparing them, the social skills were lacking.   This student had siblings that were also socially inept, but were able to get around and adapt.  Not this particular student.  And when school officials brought it up to them, they were adamant that testing was not to be done.  I felt sorry for this student.  If there is something that can be done to help someone who has certain needs, it should be.  But I digress....the point is, I was terrified of being that parent.  The parent that ignores that there is something wrong and does nothing about it.  And to tell the truth, I was scared that Gabe was autistic.

I know there are many wonderful people who have autistic children and siblings and so on, but I was really scared that if that was the case, I wouldn't be able to handle it.  I talked to the teacher of autistic students at school and she told me to check with the local intermediate school district.  After leaving a message on Thursday morning, the most amazing person came into our lives on Friday.

Friday was Calah's field day for preschool.  While I was there, I was talking to an acquaintance,  a parent of Calah's classmate who worked at the ISD and was a speech pathologist.  I described Gabe's predicament and told her my fears.  She said she would grab his file and give me a call to set up an evaluation with a developmental specialist and herself.  Less that two weeks later, Gabe was evaluated.  He is not autistic, but he does have childhood apraxia of speech.  This means that the motor nerves between his brain and mouth were not fully formed and although he could understand what you were saying and what he wanted to say, he couldn't get it out.  His initial testing at exactly two years old was: receptive language (what he understood) 2.6 years, his communicative language (what he could communicate) 0.9 years.

This began our journey into speech therapy.  We are blessed to have a great Early On program in our county and we had a wonderful speech and language pathologist (SLP), Dana.  She was with us for a year, until Gabe transitioned out of Early On.  The progress he made in one year was unbelievable.  But we were sad that we had to leave Dana.

Next it was adventures in public school special education.  I spend a fair amount of time reading and attending IEPs so I was figuring that this IEP thing wouldn't be such a big deal.  Instead, I have spent the last two years advocating relatively fiercely for my child.  I have decided that I do not really care who is inconvenienced, as long as I get what is best for my little boy, I am going to do it.  What that means for me is a lot of phone calls, asking a lot of favors, and begging for people to work with us.

My insistence is well intentioned.  Gabe is in preschool for only three hours at his primary school where he gets speech services.  I do not think it is unreasonable to expect that his services will take place outside of his school day.  I understand that as he moves into kindergarten next year, he will have to have services during school and will be missing class.  But for now, I don't think that it fair for him to always miss circle time, or always miss centers, or anything else for that matter.  I realize that it probably means that the people I deal with dread my phone calls, but I just want what is best for my son.  He deserves to have every preschool experience and I don't want him to miss out on anything.

He also attends a developmental preschool two days a week where he receives group language therapy.  I think this has helped tremendously as well.  He is more confident and at this point he is probably 60-70% intelligible.  He has improved so steadily, my fear is that he will plateau and we won't see progress for months.  So far, we've only been blessed with improvement.  We work with him all the time and make sure that he gets therapy in summer.

Also, I have done a fair amount of research and read a lot of message boards.  I have discovered that we are very blessed.  Gabe is only mildly apraxic.  He shouldn't have many lasting affects.  We will have to be vigilant about dyslexia and some words may always pose challenges to him, but compared to other families' struggles, ours are minor.  That being said, I'm not going to lie.  When we first realized what we were up against, I was scared and sad.  It is really hard to watch your little guy struggle with anything.  And the truth is, he is the one that has to do the work.  I can remove barriers and make it easier for him, but he is the one who has to do the work.  He is so good-natured about it.  He never complains and really enjoys going to speech.  He is so patient when he is telling you things and will repeat them to you until you get it. 

Ironically, words cannot express how proud I am of him.

So, the "chaos" part of this is that I am finally putting the last pieces in place so we can start therapy next week and get going.  It's been a long two weeks, but if he is successful, it will have all been worth it.

What I am Looking Forward To....

As much as I enjoy my summer, I have to admit, fall is a time of new beginnings.  I know that sounds odd, usually spring is all about new beginnings, but fall is the beginning of school, the beginning of new lessons, and the beginning of the new seasons of some of my favorite television programs.

I am a tv junkie.  Maybe I shouldn't admit it, but I am.  I unwind and relax by escaping into another world.   Whether it is scripted or reality, there are certain programs I just love and I have a schedule of shows for each night of the week.  So what am I looking forward to this season?

The Office.  I can't wait to see what this "Robert California" character is going to do and the havoc he will create.  I don't really have a favorite character, but I enjoy the chemistry between Jim and Dwight.  I have loved this show for quite a while and my favorite prank that Jim has pulled is the classic stapler in jello.  I wish there was some one else at work who watched "The Office" because I would totally pull that one on them!

The Amazing Race.  LOVE!  LOVE!  LOVE! This one is just so fun.  I don't watch a ton of reality tv, but this one I don't miss.  Chuck and I both watch it and try to decide who would do which roadblocks, who would we u-turn, and of course we pick out our favorite teams.  There have been some really annoying ones in the past, but my fav from last season was totally the cowboys.  I am sooooooo looking forward to the new season.

Of course there a lots of others, Desperate Housewives, Parenthood, The Big Bang Theory, and Chuck to name a few.  I am interested in a couple of new shows, Person of Interest, Charlie's Angels, Whitney, and Prime Suspect.  I hope at least one of them pans out as a good one.  My biggest problem is trying to avoid 10:00 shows.  I need my beauty sleep but if there is something good on, I'm more likely to stay up.

Finally, there are some summer shows that are finishing up their seasons this fall that I have already dedicated myself to.  Royal Pains will be finishing up...but, yea!  back this winter.  Project Runway...totally hooked.  Rizzoli and Isles, even Chuck likes this one and we have to finish watching the current season.  And my guilty pleasure, Dance Moms.  I can't help it.  It's a train wreck and I absolutely LOVE watching those crazy women. 

So many shows, so little time.  I don't have a DVR, so if I miss it, I miss it.  Unless I have time to watch it on Hulu. 

As it stands now, this fall I will be busy being lazy.  Sort of.

Admit it.  By now you are asking yourself what the heck I do around the house, I must be the laziest person on earth.  Truth be told, I do a lot of multitasking and work a lot during commercials.  Don't worry, the kids are in bed, the lunches and coffee is made, the bags are packed and my school work is done.  I just do it while I'm watching tv.  I told you, I am a tv junkie.  I admit it and embrace it.  And this fall, I am really looking forward to it!

The Craziness has begun!

This week kicked off the beginning of the school year for the majority of the Holman family.  Chuck started last week with meetings, but the kids and I enjoyed our last week of summer vacation.  However, this week, I started meetings and Chuck and the kids officially started school. 

We started the week with the kids' open house on Monday night.  Gabe is starting his second year of preschool and loves his teacher.  I have to agree.  We love his class and he grew so much last year that we are excited to see him grow this year. His first day was Wednesday.

Calah was SUPER excited to start the 2nd grade on Tuesday.  She says the thing she is most looking forward to is learning cursive.  She's adorable.  She just loves school and it will be fun to watch what she does this year, too.

Chuck also started with students this week.  I am so proud to have a husband that is so dedicated to his calling and so good at what he does.  He really loves his students and his job and truly leaves the house every morning excited to tackle the new adventures of the day.

Meetings for me this week.  Big changes at school with a new principal and new classes.  This year I have a new attitude, too.  I am determined that this will be a better year than last year.  For my own sanity, it has to be.

Other craziness starts soon.  My students begin Tuesday.  Both kids start dance next week and swimming lessons the following week.  Swim meets for me start next week, too.  For now, we will enjoy the long weekend and the last little bit of summer.