Fears of History Repeating Itself

This past summer, Calah's school ran a basketball camp for her age group.  I asked her if she wanted to play, and without hesitation and with complete enthusiasm, she yelled "Yes!"

And then I cried.

I won't lie.  I have been dreading this day.  D..R..E..A..D..I..N..G..  I really was hoping she wouldn't want to play.  I was hoping she would just want to dance and swim and all the things that keep her little.  I have been trying really hard not to let her see how I feel, because I know that these feelings are remnants of my past.

I played basketball.  I loved basketball.  It was all I lived and breathed from the 4th through the 9th grade.  I loved playing and I wanted to be good.  I probably didn't practice enough, and I didn't have any real talent, but I loved it.  My dad tried to help me every way he could.  He would encourage me to practice, take me to games, and be my biggest supporter.  But in the end, I was cut from the JV team at school and my dreams were crushed.

Granted, I went on to swim and found that I loved it and had some talent at that, but the truth is, when I was cut from the basketball team, my world sort of changed.  Even though I probably never really fit in with the girls from the basketball team, I had a reason to hang out with them.  They were the popular girls and I liked that.  I wasn't popular, but I was on the edge of the crowd.  And some of these girls I had played with since the 4th grade.  When I was cut, I realized that they were also the mean girls.  All of a sudden it was like I had never existed.  The hurt I felt was unbelievable.  I couldn't believe that these girls I had spent so much time with, practiced with, gone to camp with, couldn't even express any sadness that I wasn't going to play ball with them anymore.  My world had been turned upside down, and it seemed like nobody cared.  I felt like I had lost many of my "friends".  I realize now that they were never my friends, but at the time all I felt was abandonment.  And that is when my animosity toward the game started.  I realized it was the game of the mean girls.

I would do ANYTHING to stop my daughter from feeling that pain.

I know it is only 3rd and 4th grade basketball.  I know that virtually every girl in her class is playing so it is not a case of have/have nots.  I know that she is having fun, and and it's good for her to learn how to play the game.  However, knowing that I didn't have much talent, I wasn't holding out hope for her, and I didn't want Calah to feel the same pain I did.  I just hoped she would lose interest in basketball before basketball lost interest in her.

Then we had to go to a game.  I won't lie, I was totally dreading it.  To my surprise and delight, Calah did pretty well, and the next game she did better, and this last game she was awesome!  I mean really good.  Even though she is one of the shortest on the team, she had a ton of rebounds.  She shot, didn't make any, but sure gave it a good try.  And many times she came out of a group of girls with the ball and took it down the court.  She was aggressive, which is shocking after our experience with soccer.  I was totally impressed.  She is WAY better than I was at that age.  And my competitive side raised it's ugly head.  I totally became a crazy cheering mom, loud and obnoxious, even though I promised myself I would behave.

Maybe she will be a star and play through high school. Maybe she'll be bored with it next year and never pick up a ball again (but that would greatly disappoint her father who put the backboard and rim up on our garage the other day).  But either way, I will support her, and love her, and do my best to protect her from any mean girls.

Back to the Grind

It has been a long and pleasant summer.  Long and pleasant.  Pleasant.  I want it back.

With September comes the beginning of the school year and the beginning of craziness for us.  Two weeks ago, Chuck started with meetings, last week Chuck started with students, Calah started school, and I started with meetings, and this week I started with students and Gabe started school.  Plus, dance, basketball, and soccer are all starting.  Some days I'm not sure which end is up!

We are doing the four different school schedules again this year.  Last Gabe did two different preschools to address his social development and speech delays.  This year we have opted to not send him to kindergarten, but to put him in kinderstart (a young 5's program) at the local public school.  It is full day, 5 days a week.  He still has some speech problems, though he is much better.  And he needs a little more social development.  Plus he did just turn 5 in June.  If it sounds like I am trying to justify our decision, I probably am.  I know he is 5 and academically ready for kindergarten, but I really think he needs another year to develop socially and I would like him to be as close to done with speech as he can be.  Kids with CAS (Childhood Apraxia of Speech) tend to have higher rates of dyslexia, and if I can get him hearing and speaking the letters correctly before learning to read, he will be much better off.  I have never been one to really push my children into growing up (they are little for far too short of a time), so I am enjoying the idea of not having a kindergartener quite yet.  But I have a lot of friends who have children Gabe's age.  Although it shouldn't be a concern, I keep wondering what they will say and how Gabe's friends will react to him being a year below them.  I know Gabe will make new friends, he is very social, but I do worry about people thinking there is something wrong with him.  There isn't.  We are simply giving him another year. (And don't even THINK about saying we are holding him back.  That has such a negative connotation.  We are GIVING him another year, it's a gift.  Yes, in this case the semantics matter.) 

I love his teacher.  She is amazing and we are so lucky that he gets to be in her class.  He seems to be adjusting ok, but he is exhausted at night.  Tonight he was asleep by 7:30.  Maybe he'll actually sleep in this weekend......

Calah is doing wonderfully as a third grader.  This year they are learning all about Michigan, which she loves.  And there is a new girl in her class, so that is exciting.  She is playing basketball and dancing, so we have another pretty tired child as she gets used to her schedule.  Right now her biggest challenge is responsibility.  Tonight she told me that I didn't sign her agenda yesterday.  And I told her that she didn't tell me I needed to.  (If I would have known I was supposed to, I would have hinted to remind her to ask me.)  But over all, she is doing well.

Chuck is super busy.  He has 6 teaching class periods, but 7 preps and a student teacher.  He'll be ok, but WOW!

And this year my adjustment is taking a bit.  Way more students than I have ever had in the past, more class periods to teach than in the past, and at the end of day 3, I'm exhausted.  I am still trying to get to the pool on a regular basis.  I had a really nice experience shopping recently for new clothes, so that is keeping me motivated.

One more day this week, I can do it.  And since we are back in a routine, I will get back to a routine of posting.  :)