Apology

After last week, with all my posts, I thought  I was on my way to being a regular blogger.  Apparently not.  Between my birthday on Friday and our busy weekend, I didn't get a chance to post anything.  And then it happened...I got stuck on a book.  Actually, a series and it has me totally captivated.  I haven't watched tv or done much of anything all week.  I squeeze in a little here and there, but nothing substantial.  So, my blogging has gone by the wayside, and I apologize.  I plan to have a nice long blog about my birthday and Chicago and these books later....right now I have to get back to my book!

My Recent Obsessions

I've said it before and I'll say it again...I love  "Dance Moms".  Those ladies are totally nuts, but I love them.  I wouldn't necessarily make some of the same choices, but I also realize everyone's situation is different and the show doesn't show everything.  It's TV and I'm sure the producers have some say in what is going on. That said.....what in the world is going on with Melissa?  She totally freaked out last night!  She said that they were all picking on her, or "jealous" of her, or prying into her personal life, but that is not what was shown on tv.  It looked like the moms were just trying to be friendly and ask her questions about her engagement.  Why is she being so secretive...that seems weird.  And Abby's comment about how you don't talk about weddings or divorces, that's nuts!  Of course you talk about weddings!  They are happy occasions!  I have never known a bride-to-be that didn't want to talk nonstop about their wedding. 

On another note, I totally love Holly and Nia.  Maybe it is because Holly is in education, or maybe it is because Nia reminds me of Calah, but I just was so happy last night that Nia was in a trio.  And I thought they did very well.  I'm sure in the next episode Abby will blame Nia for it not placing, but from what I could see, she kept up just fine.  And I loved at the end how Abby said she was happy with how they did at the competition, but anyone who watches the show will know that next week Abby will tell the girls about how poorly they did.  It's entertaining, but I hope that there is some nurturing behavior from Abby that is getting cut by the producers. 

And Cathy is crazy.  I was sad that one of her dancers was hurt last night, it's not them that I don't like..it's Cathy and Jill.  Again, I know they cut a lot out, but those two are sure portrayed as sneaky and backstabbers.  At any rate, love the show and I always look forward to the next week!

Another obsession I have, as of late, is Pintrest.  So, thank you Candace for getting me addicted.  And I have done an awful lot of projects.  I made Gabe a rocket pack, helped Calah make a tissue paper stain glass window for her room, made teacher gifts and aunt/uncle gifts for Christmas, made a candy cane wreath, a wall hanging for the hallway, and a storage situation for all my cords (ipod, kindle, phone, etc).  My most recent project was a travel toothbrush/toothpaste container made from a hand towel and some ribbon.  That way, when you get home, you can just throw it in the washing machine.  It definately did not turn out perfectly, but it still is pretty good.  I am really looking forward to trying them out this weekend on our trip.  I made 2, one for the kids, and one for Chuck and I.  I'll take some pictures of my projects tonight and get them up.  I love Pintrest and decided that I actually need to DO some of the things I have pinned.  I have big plans for some desserts (and other foods), too.  But a lot of them have to wait until after Lent (because they have chocolate in them, bummer).  Even if I am not pinning things, I still like looking at all the cool projects out there.

And Red Vines....I am currently loving Red Vines.  Everytime I have to pick up a snack for something, like a scrapbook event or a road trip, I'm getting Red Vines.  Just typing Red Vines makes me want some...I must stop myself.....

Anyway, those are my current obsessions.  Give me 3 weeks, I'm sure they will change!  :)

The Kid's Accomplishments

Today we were at my parent's house for a little while so Chuck and I could visit the eye doctor.  After a wonderful dinner that my mom made (burritos..yum!), the kids went out to play.  Papa had gotten a bike for the grandsons so Gabe got to practice riding a bit.  He is so big.  I can't believe he is going to be five in a couple of months.  It seems like just yesterday he was cuddled in my arms (oh, wait...he was.  He's my snuggle bug!)  I was so proud watching him try to manage that bike.  And then, riding like a complete pro was Calah.  She was riding my old bike and doing it so well.  It made me think of all the things the kids have learned how to do.

I am amazed every day by the new accomplishments that the kids can do.  Calah has always been my little independent one who could do everything quickly. Before she went to preschool she could zip her coat and at four she could buckle her own seatbelt.  One of my fondest memories was just before Calah started kindergarten.  She really wanted tennis shoes that tied and I told her she couldn't wear them to school until she knew how to tie them.  So, the very next morning she sat down with her shoes and said, "ok mom, how do I tie them?"  And she did.  I think she was one of the only kindergarteners that could.  Then it was on to reading, of which she is amazing.  Like 4th-5th grade level.  Pretty good foe a second grader.  Then it was math and spelling...she is a great speller.  And now she is doing well on the piano, the girl has real skills!  I think she gets it from her Aunt Emily...

And Gabe has his own accomplishments.  I swear every day his speech gets better.  We are constantly impressed with what comes out of his mouth.  And he is such a boy!  He runs and jumps and climbs at 4 like Calah does at 8!  He is quite a little charmer and has such personality.  I think about how confident he is and, quite frankly, I'm a little jealous!  This kid juggles two different preschools and three different bus schedules and never flinches.  He doesn't mix up what goes on in the different schools, he just does what he is supposed to do when he is supposed to do it.  He can now buckle himself in in the car (quite an accomplishment and time saver!  Yippee for mom and dad!), get his coat zipped, and for the most part he gets his shoes on the right feet.

I am just so proud of my kids.  And it's my blog...so I'll brag about them if I want! 

Back in a Big Way

Well, I am done being crabby.

Yup, all done.  I don't know if it the beautiful weather, a couple of days off, or getting my to do list done.  Whatever it is, I am back to being happy and chipper.  So I guess I will recap the last little bit.

Friday we had a fog day.  An entire day!  It was amazing!  I swear, I was finally getting up to get around and get the kids to the sitter's, when I got the call.  As tired as I was before, I was super energized when I knew I had the day off!  :)  Gabe and I hung out all day and we played Matchbox cars and Candyland.  It was great.  We got some housework done, picked up Calah, and we all went to the fish fry for dinner.  Yummy!  Sheets changed..check, clean out dressers...check, grocery shopping...check

Saturday was an AMAZING workout.  I haven't done that many yards in long time, but it felt really good!  A little cleaning, a project started, shopping for spring clothes for the kids, dinner, and The Lorax.  Plus I got to school for a while to get things ready for Monday.  The weather was great!  We even went to the park for the second day in a row! Love it. (By the way, The Lorax was great!  I highly recommend it.  And I love watching Gabe.  He never sits and he jumps up and down and laughs at all the funny part.  Watching him is almost more entertaining than the movie!)

And Sunday, after church, we finished our spring shopping, grilled out, and finished the laundry.  So it feels good to have gotten so much done.  I know we need to get outside and do work, but as a true Michigander, I'm not so sure we are done with snow.  We'll hold off on the outside work until April.

And, we have a couple of big weeks coming up.  Next weekend we are visiting my brother and sister in law and for spring break we are going south to visit Chuck's mom.  Plus we are taking the kids to see the children's music group "Gemini".  We have gone to see them a number of times and the kids love them.  So we are looking forward to that.  At any rate, there are only two weeks until spring break, the weather is nice, and I have an anniversary coming up.  So all in all...I am much happier and ready to tackle the week!

Still Crabby

Yup, still stuck.  And I had a whole post about it until I realized I don't want to put that out there.  So, for now, this is it.

Crabby

I haven't posted lately because I have been so crabby.  And it's not getting better, so I am going to dump here in hopes that it will.  If you don't want to hear my rant, stop now.  If you continue to read, you do so at your own risk.

The first thing, at least for tonight, is what I have been saying for a long time.  In my line of work, we are in the business of children, but heaven forbid we have our own.  I cannot expand on this because this is obviously an online publication and I do wish to deal with the retribution that may happen.  And I should emphasize that I am not mad, just irritated.

And then it is just everything.  Everything irritates me and for no reason.  It's testing week and we have a tornado drill.  I know, not a major deal, but it messes up my room and I hate that.  People run into me at the pool when I am taking up the most minimal space possible.  As usual, my house is a mess and the laundry isn't done and I have no energy to do it.  Even though I have been exercising on a regular basis, now all of a sudden, my joints are all starting to hurt.  My knee hurts going up stairs, my hips hurt if I sit too long, my heels hurt if I stand too long, and my shoulders...well, they were never good and have always caused me pain.  I guess I could chalk it up to getting older or being out of shape, either way, it makes me crabby.

The truth is, my depression has just taken longer to kick in than usual, and instead of accepting it this year, I am fighting it.  Some days are better than others, and instead of sitting on the couch with a bunch of junk food, or crying, or sleeping, I'm crabby.  I don't like being this way and there is really no reason for it.  None at all.  My husband has been wonderful.  He takes care of the kids, helps around the house, cleans up the kitchen and helps with dinner.  I couldn't ask for a better guy.  My kids have been well behaved, for the most part.  And we are all healthy.  My students are finally starting to realize that they need to work and they will be rewarded for it.  See....nothing to really complain about.  I want to snap out of this, but as anyone who has struggled with depression will tell you, it is not that easy.  I want to be happy, I just can't shake this feeling in my heart of sadness.  People tell you all the time, "Fake it 'til you make it".  I am sorry to say for me it is not that easy.  Chuck has always told me in the past to get out and do something and I will feel better.  Well, this year I have done that, and it did make it a little better, but I am still crabby.  And it still hurts.

For me, depression feels like someone turned off a light switch and I can't reach it to turn it back on.  One day, it will just be back on, but I have to wait for that day to come.  It hurts in my heart, an actual physical pain that just nags constantly.  I can try to push it off to the side, but it still just sits there.  Those commercials for depression medication are right on the money.  It feels like a robe that you can't take off or a weight around you that you can't get rid of.  And, for me at least, there is never any real reason for it.  Sure, I have tough days, but nothing that can't be over come, nothing that is any worse than anyone else.  I don't like to be a "Woe is me" person.  I have known too many people like that in my life and they annoy me.  I know I complain a lot, and it is something I am working on (obviously not here, not now, but usually).  That is what sucks the most about depression, there is nothing for me to complain about except stupid stuff.  Frustrating!

On top of that,  I have some major decisions to make in the next couple of months.  I'm sure the pressure of these decisions is not helping.  When I have weighed the pros and cons, I will post them and how I came to the decision I did.  The kids are good.  Calah is very excited to dress up as Laura Ingalls tomorrow for "Dress as Your Favorite Character Day". 

She is dancing beautifully and swimming hard.  Gabe is so sweet and his speech is progressing.  I am still amazed by him every day.  He is just my little bundle of energy.  Chuck was recently elected the president of the Lansing Model Railroad Club.  It is a responsibility that I know he will enjoy.  He is my hero and I thank God every day that He brought Charlie into my life.

Things will get better, they always do.  In the meantime, maybe my little rant will make me feel like I have gotten something off my chest.