A Great Fall

We have had a great fall!  It has really been wonderful.  Here is the scoop:

Back in September we attended a wedding of a beautiful young woman from our church, who also happens to be my 3rd cousin (or something along those lines).  I love weddings.  I mean, I really love weddings.  Yes, I enjoy the reception (more on that in a minute), but I really, really love weddings.  If I am invited to a wedding there is no skipping the ceremony for me!  To me, that is what the whole thing is about.  Two people who love each other so much, committing themselves to each other.  Beautiful and wonderful.  I love weddings........and receptions.  I may get a little tipsy, I may dance like a fool, but they are so much fun.  Really, I just love to go dancing (and trust me, I pretend no one is watching because I am not a good dancer and would be very self conscious if I thought about it, that is where the adult beverages help. :)  )

Then we had a busy weekend of homecomings, both my school and Chuck's.  Lots of good football.  The next weekend it was off to Art Prize, a tradition our whole family is really enjoying.  It is so great to see so many people in Grand Rapids enjoying art of all different kinds.  I think that the arts are so very important to stimulate creativity, and with so many cuts in schools and an increased demand for core curriculum, kids aren't given opportunities to explore and imagine.  It is something that Chuck and I are passionate about for our kids.  We are very luck to be able to expose them to Art Prize and different forms of art.

Then we were home for a weekend, which was good because it was ridiculously rainy.  We went to a yummy chili cook off at church, did a little shopping at a craft fair, and got a lot of things done around the house because......we were camping the next weekend.  I love that tradition.  We had gorgeous weather at Sleeping Bear Dunes.  It is really nice to get away with the family and have quality fam time!  The kids enjoyed climbing the dunes and playing in the campground.  We had fires and watched the sunset on Lake Michigan.  We slept in and relaxed.  None of us were in a hurry to get home.

And this past weekend we were in Chicago to meet the newest addition to the family.  My nephew is so cute and snuggly and I wish I was there right now to hold him.  He is perfect and I am so glad we had a chance to go visit.  Calah and Chuck and I totally fought over holding him, and even though Gabe didn't want to hold him, he did concede that he liked James "better than the Lego store".  We'll take it.

Of course, that is just the weekends.  The weeks have been full of basketball practice and games (tonight is the last one, yay!), soccer games, swim meets, dance classes, LMRC meetings, homework, school, doctor's appointments, meetings, and running around like crazy.  Oh, and did I mention Gabe had surgery?  Yup, needed to remove the tube from his ear and repair the ear drum.  Apparently if tubes are in too long and don't come out on their own, it is common to get an infection (which he did) and then they have to be surgically removed.  It is unnerving to watch your five year old go off to surgery, but considering it is relatively minor and I know that I am so blessed, I won't complain.

The next weeks are not any better, busy wise anyway.  This weekend I am scrapbooking (yippee!) and next week are PT conferences for me (Chuck had his, Gabe has his this week, and Calah's are the week after mine), and an EE weekend.  Then Chuck has his LMRC Swap Meet and then it is Thanksgiving.  And we get to see the baby again!  And, as we all know, Christmas follows and the craziness ensues for that.  I can say that even though basketball and soccer are over and we will have dance and swimming lessons, Chuck and I have designated a family night for this winter and I am really looking forward to one night a week without running.  A night for a good dinner (as opposed to me slapping something together when I get home and we eat quickly before we are out the door again), some games and good quality family time.  It will be nice to slow down a little.

Fears of History Repeating Itself

This past summer, Calah's school ran a basketball camp for her age group.  I asked her if she wanted to play, and without hesitation and with complete enthusiasm, she yelled "Yes!"

And then I cried.

I won't lie.  I have been dreading this day.  D..R..E..A..D..I..N..G..  I really was hoping she wouldn't want to play.  I was hoping she would just want to dance and swim and all the things that keep her little.  I have been trying really hard not to let her see how I feel, because I know that these feelings are remnants of my past.

I played basketball.  I loved basketball.  It was all I lived and breathed from the 4th through the 9th grade.  I loved playing and I wanted to be good.  I probably didn't practice enough, and I didn't have any real talent, but I loved it.  My dad tried to help me every way he could.  He would encourage me to practice, take me to games, and be my biggest supporter.  But in the end, I was cut from the JV team at school and my dreams were crushed.

Granted, I went on to swim and found that I loved it and had some talent at that, but the truth is, when I was cut from the basketball team, my world sort of changed.  Even though I probably never really fit in with the girls from the basketball team, I had a reason to hang out with them.  They were the popular girls and I liked that.  I wasn't popular, but I was on the edge of the crowd.  And some of these girls I had played with since the 4th grade.  When I was cut, I realized that they were also the mean girls.  All of a sudden it was like I had never existed.  The hurt I felt was unbelievable.  I couldn't believe that these girls I had spent so much time with, practiced with, gone to camp with, couldn't even express any sadness that I wasn't going to play ball with them anymore.  My world had been turned upside down, and it seemed like nobody cared.  I felt like I had lost many of my "friends".  I realize now that they were never my friends, but at the time all I felt was abandonment.  And that is when my animosity toward the game started.  I realized it was the game of the mean girls.

I would do ANYTHING to stop my daughter from feeling that pain.

I know it is only 3rd and 4th grade basketball.  I know that virtually every girl in her class is playing so it is not a case of have/have nots.  I know that she is having fun, and and it's good for her to learn how to play the game.  However, knowing that I didn't have much talent, I wasn't holding out hope for her, and I didn't want Calah to feel the same pain I did.  I just hoped she would lose interest in basketball before basketball lost interest in her.

Then we had to go to a game.  I won't lie, I was totally dreading it.  To my surprise and delight, Calah did pretty well, and the next game she did better, and this last game she was awesome!  I mean really good.  Even though she is one of the shortest on the team, she had a ton of rebounds.  She shot, didn't make any, but sure gave it a good try.  And many times she came out of a group of girls with the ball and took it down the court.  She was aggressive, which is shocking after our experience with soccer.  I was totally impressed.  She is WAY better than I was at that age.  And my competitive side raised it's ugly head.  I totally became a crazy cheering mom, loud and obnoxious, even though I promised myself I would behave.

Maybe she will be a star and play through high school. Maybe she'll be bored with it next year and never pick up a ball again (but that would greatly disappoint her father who put the backboard and rim up on our garage the other day).  But either way, I will support her, and love her, and do my best to protect her from any mean girls.

Back to the Grind

It has been a long and pleasant summer.  Long and pleasant.  Pleasant.  I want it back.

With September comes the beginning of the school year and the beginning of craziness for us.  Two weeks ago, Chuck started with meetings, last week Chuck started with students, Calah started school, and I started with meetings, and this week I started with students and Gabe started school.  Plus, dance, basketball, and soccer are all starting.  Some days I'm not sure which end is up!

We are doing the four different school schedules again this year.  Last Gabe did two different preschools to address his social development and speech delays.  This year we have opted to not send him to kindergarten, but to put him in kinderstart (a young 5's program) at the local public school.  It is full day, 5 days a week.  He still has some speech problems, though he is much better.  And he needs a little more social development.  Plus he did just turn 5 in June.  If it sounds like I am trying to justify our decision, I probably am.  I know he is 5 and academically ready for kindergarten, but I really think he needs another year to develop socially and I would like him to be as close to done with speech as he can be.  Kids with CAS (Childhood Apraxia of Speech) tend to have higher rates of dyslexia, and if I can get him hearing and speaking the letters correctly before learning to read, he will be much better off.  I have never been one to really push my children into growing up (they are little for far too short of a time), so I am enjoying the idea of not having a kindergartener quite yet.  But I have a lot of friends who have children Gabe's age.  Although it shouldn't be a concern, I keep wondering what they will say and how Gabe's friends will react to him being a year below them.  I know Gabe will make new friends, he is very social, but I do worry about people thinking there is something wrong with him.  There isn't.  We are simply giving him another year. (And don't even THINK about saying we are holding him back.  That has such a negative connotation.  We are GIVING him another year, it's a gift.  Yes, in this case the semantics matter.) 

I love his teacher.  She is amazing and we are so lucky that he gets to be in her class.  He seems to be adjusting ok, but he is exhausted at night.  Tonight he was asleep by 7:30.  Maybe he'll actually sleep in this weekend......

Calah is doing wonderfully as a third grader.  This year they are learning all about Michigan, which she loves.  And there is a new girl in her class, so that is exciting.  She is playing basketball and dancing, so we have another pretty tired child as she gets used to her schedule.  Right now her biggest challenge is responsibility.  Tonight she told me that I didn't sign her agenda yesterday.  And I told her that she didn't tell me I needed to.  (If I would have known I was supposed to, I would have hinted to remind her to ask me.)  But over all, she is doing well.

Chuck is super busy.  He has 6 teaching class periods, but 7 preps and a student teacher.  He'll be ok, but WOW!

And this year my adjustment is taking a bit.  Way more students than I have ever had in the past, more class periods to teach than in the past, and at the end of day 3, I'm exhausted.  I am still trying to get to the pool on a regular basis.  I had a really nice experience shopping recently for new clothes, so that is keeping me motivated.

One more day this week, I can do it.  And since we are back in a routine, I will get back to a routine of posting.  :)

The Beginning of Summer

I love the beginning of summer.  I have been very luck the last couple of years that I have been  out of school before Calah and Chuck.  There is the obvious benefit to that (he has to get up early and I get to sleep a little later) but also, I get to attend all the end of school activities for Calah.  I was able to go to her end of school singing and dancing celebration, fun day, and the final school Mass of the year.  After Mass, Calah was awarded with the Outstanding Reader award for her class.  They may be an understatement.  This kid reads constantly.  It was very appropriate.

And I got to spend time with my boy.  His birthday fell right in the middle of last week, so we played all the games he wanted and went to lunch with Daddy.  It was a great day.  Now he is 5 and is happy to tell you all about his new bike!  I hope that he will catch on a little quicker than Calah, and I think it will help that his bike is an appropriate size.

And there was the dance recital.  I am so very proud of my children.  Gabe has worked very hard this year.  I know that it isn't easy to be the only little boy in class, or for that matter, in the studio, but he did it.  And all the little girls loved him.  He got dress as a T-bird from Grease for "We Go Together" and he did very well during his ballet number, "I Believe I Can Fly"

And Calah, well she is becoming quite a dancer.  She has practiced and practiced for this recital.  Although we may be at odds sometimes over what some of the steps are, but I think that she did everything wonderfully.  And being the over exuberant dance mom, Chuck and I had seats in the front row.   It was handy to be able to get in and out, because I had to change make up for some of the girls in between acts.

( I can't get Calah's videos to upload, I'll try again later)

Our dance studio is wonderful.  Miss Caety outdoes herself every year.  And I can't believe how much the studio has grown. Four years ago when she opened, the recital was about 12 acts.  This year...27.  She really cares about all of her dancers and makes sure that the girls and dances are age appropriate and modest.

                                               Miss Caety, Miss Jennica, and Miss Ashley

Then it was back home for a family get together for Gabe's birthday.  And an awesome cake.

Sunday was our parish festival and a BBQ at the neighbors.  Monday was haircuts (thank goodness!  I couldn't take Gabe's long hair anymore!), playdates, and work at school.  The kids have a gymnastics camp Monday through Thursday so that keeps us busy at night.  I have been swimming every day, Calah's has had two playdates, we have been to the library, and I have been doing laundry and cleaning.  Last night we went out for ice cream and tonight we are going to see a movie in the park.  So that is how summer has started.  We really aren't any less busy, but now we are busy having fun!

End of the School Year

There are times of the year that "busy" doesn't begin to describe what happens at our house.  May is one of those times.  April was pretty calm.  I may not have posted much, but compared to May, it was easy. 

We started the month with Calah's First Communion.  I am so proud of her!  As much as I would like her to stay a little girl, I know that she is growing up.  I have faith that she will grow and mature into a wonderful young woman!

After that, the big prep for Auction started.  I spent many nights down at the hall preparing for this huge event.  We had a record number of people who purchased tickets, and we raised a bunch of money for the kid's school.  And at this point I would like to get something off my chest.  There was a comment made wondering what my partner and I do, since it looks like we are doing nothing.  Well, for anyone who attends a charitable event or an auction, the check in/computer people do a lot.  We network the computers (huge job for nontechies),  input every item that has been donated or purchased, assemble them into silent or live basket items, enter every person who purchases a ticket and assign them a bidder number, print off bid sheets, certificates, table numbers, reserved signs, register credit cards, sync the card machine to the computer to read bidder numbers, enter winning bids, and check people in and out, giving them bidder numbers and taking their payments.  Then we come home and do about 5 more hours of work syncing winning bids to card numbers, sending payments to the bank, contacting card companies for approval of cards, contact invitees whose cards were declined (by far the worst part), clear the terminals before sending them back, printing results sheets, and printing donor sheets for thank yous.  This year, we don't have to do thank you letters and find addresses that are missing because the school generously offered to do that.  In the past that was yet another step.  So, the next time it looks like those computer people aren't doing anything, keep in mind first that they are volunteers and second, that just because they may not have a flashy job that everyone notices, doesn't mean they don't do anything. 

Ok, done with that.  Sorry, I know it was a week ago, but it still burns me that someone would insinuate that we weren't doing anything.  That said, here is our wonderful tech team:

Then, even though I wasn't done with Auction stuff, it was time for NHS induction.  This was a big event this year, with a new principal who has never attended an NHS induction, and outgoing superintendent who has attended every NHS induction in his career, a new incoming superintendent, and board members who's child was being inducted.  Plus, I had an amazing executive board this year and a huge group of inductees.  Over all it was good, minus a few blips.  It started with a member knocking over the flowers and spilling water everywhere.  Then the eternal light of knowledge went out in the middle of the ceremony, and finally an inductee set her hair on fire.  Just a little, it was more smoke than anything, but eventful nonetheless. 

Calah and I went on a little girl's getaway to Interlochen and watched a dance performance.  We stayed in a little motel and had some quality girl time.  I love spending time with her and  it was really nice to get away and relax a little.  Some shopping in TC didn't hurt either!  :)

Then onto graduation.  I really am going to miss this group of seniors.  I know I get a slightly skewed view of the class because I deal only with the ones that are NHS members or take Advanced Biology, but overall, I think they were a good group.  I am proud of the mature young adults they have become and I wish the class of 2012 the best.

So now, seniors are done, auction stuff is almost done, Calah's First Communion was a success, NHS is done for the year, and we are getting ready to finish up the year.  Couple more major things to get accomplished:  Gabe's birthday party, dance recital (five acts and makeup planning for the whole thing), and vacation planning.  Oh, and I should probably get some summer plans for the kids (summer camps, review programs, etc.) Ohhhh...busy, busy, busy!

Be prepared..It's a long one!

In the last couple of weeks I have given a lot of thought to the past year.  Emotionally speaking, where I was then and where I am now are completely different.  In my opinion, I have come a long way.  Anyone who had any contact with me last year at this time knows that I was a %*#@^.  With a capital %!  I was unhappy at work and that transferred into the rest of my life.  By the time school got out, I wasn't sure I could go on.  I knew that something had to change.  So things did.  It was a slow process, but I am beginning to see the benefits both professionally and personally.

Last summer started with a grad class that I needed to take for continuing education.  It can be anything related to teaching, and since I already have my master’s degree, I wasn’t looking for anything that was part of a planned program.  Anyway, the class I took was “Tools for Professional Resilience”.  This class was introduced to me by a dear friend and colleague who obviously noticed how quickly I had spiraled downward.  She and I, along with Chuck, took this class.  I joked that it should be about wine and massages, and I wasn’t entirely kidding.  I needed a break in a big way. We got through the class, and although I wasn’t overly receptive to the ideas presented, there were a few things that stuck.  The most important being that if I don’t want to live like I had been (all stressed out), then I need to do something about it.

So I spent the summer doing almost nothing.  It really took me all summer to get myself to a place where I could even think about school again.  I still wasn’t very pleasant to the people I was around.  I was struggling not only with issues at work, but also with fertility issues.  I have wanted to have a third, and even a fourth child for a long time.  Even though it was easy to get pregnant for Calah and Gabe, this time it has been very hard.  So every month, hopes were raised, and hopes were dashed.  This, in addition to the stress at work, was taking its toll.  And I’ve heard it all…once you stop being stressed you’ll get pregnant, one you stop trying, you’ll get pregnant, once you see the doctor, you’ll get pregnant, once you take the clomid, you’ll get pregnant, once you see the fertility doctor, you’ll get pregnant.  Guess what….I’m not pregnant.  This has been a tough journey.  I have had to accept what God’s plan is for our family.  My guiding principle through this has been that I need to appreciate what I have.  God has given me two beautiful, wonderful, and talented children.  I want to take advantage and remember every experience with them.  I can’t take anything with them for granted.  I am not saying this for anyone to feel sorry for me.  This is just to tell how far I have come.  The pain that I was enduring last year at this time has been replaced with acceptance and appreciation for what I have.  We have many great adventures ahead of us as a family and I am ready to take them on.

At school, I started the year with a new attitude.  At first I just said it in hopes that I would actually believe it.  “Fake it ‘till you make it”  And that’s what I did.  I was gearing up for what I had been told was the worst class ever.  I was gearing up for whatever the state and the administration were going to throw at us this year.  And all of that happened, and more.  But, I like to think that I have dealt with it better than I would have last year.  I have let a lot more roll off my back.  I have accepted that I cannot change the politics of education, the demands of administration, or the apathy of students.  I can, however, create innovative plans and a caring environment for my students.  I can teach students who want to learn.  In fact, I can even motivate students who want to learn, but don’t really know it.  And I do really like my classes this year.  I have great students and I enjoy being with them every day.  That is a huge difference.  I had great students last year, too, but I didn’t appreciate them when I had the chance.  I had let the world outside my classroom affect the way I was inside my classroom.  This year I didn’t.

And I have become more social.  Knowing that I was such a %*#@^, I didn’t think I should infect anyone else with my negativity.  But since I have started feeling better about everything, I have ventured out into the teacher’s lounge for lunch.  And I really enjoy it.  I like being social.  And I feel like I have been more social in my personal life, too.  I miss hanging out with my friends, so it is nice to be back in the swing of things.

I think that a lot of this change has come from getting back in the pool.  I like being active and it has been very therapeutic.  Not only do I get exercise, but also I can work out my stress on the water and not my loved ones.  And the endorphins help.  As well as the weight loss.  I am not one to get on a scale, I am too scared, but I have lost two pant sizes.  Having goals helps.  Swimming in a meet helps.  I plan to do more of that in the fall, with actual time goals and everything.  It’s nice to put myself on my list of important things.  Chuck, the kids, my family, and school will always be there, but I am happy to take fifth place.  At least I am ahead of housework, Facebook, and bills!  Swimming gives me time to put everything in perspective.  Sure, I may not have an ideal work situation, and there is crap that happens every day, but life isn’t horrible.  My family is wonderful and I love them.  They are what life is all about.

I hope that I am not the only one who thinks I have changed for the better.  I think Chuck has noticed at least.  He truly is a saint for putting up with me.  I wasn’t pleasant, and there are times now that I still am not pleasant, but it’s better.  Life is short and we need to appreciate what we have.  That is the motto I am living by at the moment.

Irritation

The goal of this blog has never been political. However, after watching all the talking heads this morning, I can't help but weigh in a little bit.  People are up in arms about this CNN commentator talking about how Ann Romney never worked and then bending over backwards not to offend stay at home moms.  I must have heard 5 or 6 people say this that stay at home moms know the price of gas, milk, and eggs better than their husbands.  Ok, fine....but I'm going to guess that working moms also know the price of gas, milk, and eggs better than their husbands.  My thought is "Really, the self esteem of stay at home moms is so fragile that we have to throw working moms under the bus?"  There is absolute value and honor is staying home to raise your children.  I think that the women who have that opportunity are aware of the hard work it takes and the toll it takes on them.  That being said, will someone please recognize that being a working mom is not easy either?  It's not as if we drop our children off and don't think of them all day.  I think about my children all day long.  If they are sick or hurt, I have to make arrangements to go get them.  When my child care is unavailable, I have to make other arrangements.  My sick days are not used for me, they are used for my children, so if I am sick, I still go to work.  I still have to get the same amount of laundry, cleaning, and work done for my children.  Can this argument about who has a harder time just be put to bed?  Raising children is a challenge, no matter how you do it.  This is a tired argument, and I am sick of being made to feel like the bad guy because I go to work.  And to have it thrown into a political arena?  Great, Ann Romney stayed home with her five boys.  And she probably had a housekeeper and a nanny to help her.  I don't think that her experience is quite the same as the working class family with three kids whose husband earns just enough to pay the bills and put food on the table.  Ann Romney may sit on charity boards and lunch with the ladies at the country club, but I'll bet she wasn't the mom racing in to help with the Valentine's Day party late because the baby threw up on her on the way out the door, or the mom who has to fight with the insurance company to make sure her special needs child has the medical attention they need while keeping the kids from drawing on the walls.  If Mitt Romney is going to try to run for president, he and his wife need to do a better job of connecting with the middle class, and not use being a stay at home mom as that tool.