This past summer, Calah's school ran a basketball camp for her age group. I asked her if she wanted to play, and without hesitation and with complete enthusiasm, she yelled "Yes!"
And then I cried.
I won't lie. I have been dreading this day. D..R..E..A..D..I..N..G.. I really was hoping she wouldn't want to play. I was hoping she would just want to dance and swim and all the things that keep her little. I have been trying really hard not to let her see how I feel, because I know that these feelings are remnants of my past.
I played basketball. I loved basketball. It was all I lived and breathed from the 4th through the 9th grade. I loved playing and I wanted to be good. I probably didn't practice enough, and I didn't have any real talent, but I loved it. My dad tried to help me every way he could. He would encourage me to practice, take me to games, and be my biggest supporter. But in the end, I was cut from the JV team at school and my dreams were crushed.
Granted, I went on to swim and found that I loved it and had some talent at that, but the truth is, when I was cut from the basketball team, my world sort of changed. Even though I probably never really fit in with the girls from the basketball team, I had a reason to hang out with them. They were the popular girls and I liked that. I wasn't popular, but I was on the edge of the crowd. And some of these girls I had played with since the 4th grade. When I was cut, I realized that they were also the mean girls. All of a sudden it was like I had never existed. The hurt I felt was unbelievable. I couldn't believe that these girls I had spent so much time with, practiced with, gone to camp with, couldn't even express any sadness that I wasn't going to play ball with them anymore. My world had been turned upside down, and it seemed like nobody cared. I felt like I had lost many of my "friends". I realize now that they were never my friends, but at the time all I felt was abandonment. And that is when my animosity toward the game started. I realized it was the game of the mean girls.
I would do ANYTHING to stop my daughter from feeling that pain.
I know it is only 3rd and 4th grade basketball. I know that virtually every girl in her class is playing so it is not a case of have/have nots. I know that she is having fun, and and it's good for her to learn how to play the game. However, knowing that I didn't have much talent, I wasn't holding out hope for her, and I didn't want Calah to feel the same pain I did. I just hoped she would lose interest in basketball before basketball lost interest in her.
Then we had to go to a game. I won't lie, I was totally dreading it. To my surprise and delight, Calah did pretty well, and the next game she did better, and this last game she was awesome! I mean really good. Even though she is one of the shortest on the team, she had a ton of rebounds. She shot, didn't make any, but sure gave it a good try. And many times she came out of a group of girls with the ball and took it down the court. She was aggressive, which is shocking after our experience with soccer. I was totally impressed. She is WAY better than I was at that age. And my competitive side raised it's ugly head. I totally became a crazy cheering mom, loud and obnoxious, even though I promised myself I would behave.
Maybe she will be a star and play through high school. Maybe she'll be bored with it next year and never pick up a ball again (but that would greatly disappoint her father who put the backboard and rim up on our garage the other day). But either way, I will support her, and love her, and do my best to protect her from any mean girls.
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